Most Ironic Title: It may be called THE FOLLOWING, but given how low the ratings have gotten, it’s pretty clear nobody actually is.
Best Consolation Prize: THE MICHAL J. FOX SHOW was axed by NBC, but the titular star will return to THE GOOD WIFE later this season.
Biggest Bored Crowd In History: The Super Bowl lured the largest audience in television history… only to deliver one of the most snooze-inducing games ever.
Ugliest Americans: Coka-Cola’s Super Bowl ad — featuring America The Beautiful sung in a variety of languages — unleashed a particularly nasty backlash from folks who could only be described as racist.
Biggest Hypocrite: Juan Pablo — aka THE BACHELOR — had what looked a whole lot like sex with Clare… and then basically slut-shamed her in front of the world.
Least Heard Denial: Days after the above-mentioned frolicking aired, THE BACHELOR’s Clare insisted that they hadn’t actually had sex… not that anyone was listening.
Funniest “Secret”: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Bill thought he’d dug up the dirt on rival Ridge. And heck, in the real world, it’d be easy to believe that a famous fashion designer might be gay. But lady’s man Ridge Forrester? Puhlease!
Quote Of The Week: “We must be insane,” said VANDERPUMP RULES’ Stassi as she and her fellow Sur servers posed naked for a promotional pic. “All of this for a photo shoot for a restaurant? I highly doubt this is going on at Olive Garden!”
Most Premature Departure: Sorry, but even if Jay Leno said, “It really is time to go,” he couldn’t be wronger.
Smoothest Transition: In a rare twist, David Tom — who played the role of THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Billy more than a decade ago — stepped back into the character’s shoes after most-recent portrayer Billy Miller exited.
Cutest Brat: GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Spencer Cassadine is cute as a button, richer than Trump and a sense of entitlement bigger than that of a Kardashian. But as portrayer Nicolas J. Bechtel assured his Twitter followers, “I’m a pretty good kid… in real life!”
Coolest Teasers: A series of short ads hit the airwaves, each showing what appeared to be a disaster unfolding. The only clue as to what they were for? The signature countdown heard before and after each break during an episode of 24.
Least Needed Additions: The wildly bloated cast of ONCE UPON A TIME added Eric Lange as Prince Leopold, and is looking to cast Glinda (aka the good witch from Wizard Of Oz).
Most Contagious: Looks like Kaley Cuoco has wedding fever! Having recently tied the knot herself, she’s hoping to see her BIG BANG THEORY alter ego, Penny, make an honest geek of longtime beau Leonard!
Best Reaction: NEW GIRL’s Nick screamed like a girl — and then passed out — upon meeting Prince.
Fakest Performance: After initially claiming on Twitter that there had been “no trickery” during their Super Bowl performance, Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers admitted that the NFL insisted the group pretend to play their instruments to a pre-recorded track.