Best Fit: Joel McHale of THE SOUP and COMMUNITY hosting the White House Correspondent’s Dinner? Short of Jon Stewart, we can’t imagine anyone more perfect!
You’ve Been Warned: E! is throwing more money at the famous-for-nothing Kardashian crew so we can have the “pleasure” of continuing to keep up with them.
Harshest Take: The Daily Beast’s BACHELOR blogger wrote a scathing piece in which she dubbed Juan Pablo, “corny, homophobic, manipulative, creepy, rude, boring, and not as attractive as ABC tries to convince me he is.” And that’s just the opening paragraph!
Shock That Shouldn’t Have Shocked Anyone: THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Victor is gaslighting Sharon with a doppelganger of her dead daughter? Given that the dude blackmailed his own son with the truth about a little girl’s death, this shouldn’t have surprised us… but man, did it!
Saddest Upward Move: We’re thrilled for Meredith Vieira that she’s the first woman to ever anchor NBC’s Olympic coverage… and depressed that in this day and age, that’s a glass ceiling only now being broken.
Saddest Passing: Ralph Waite, best known as the patriarch of THE WALTONS and most recently recurring as a priest on DAYS OF OUR LIVES, died at the age of 85. Goodnight, Papa.
Best Buttinsky: By sticking her nose where it didn’t belong, GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Elizabeth figured out that Britt’s baby was actually fathered by Dante!
The Day The Laughter Died: Comedy Pioneer Sid Caesar passed away at the age of 91.
Man’s New Best Friend: Fashion-challenged dudes everywhere can now turn to Ryan Seacrest and his upcoming clothing line for help when it comes to matching their suits and ties.
Best Flashback: THE WONDER YEARS will finally be coming out on DVD!
Least Likely To Live Happily Ever After: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Brooke accepted Ridge’s proposal… despite the fact that they’re actually lusting after, respectively, Bill and his ex, Katie… who happens to be Brooke’s sister!
Most Likely To Outlive Us All: At 92 years old, Betty White proved she’s still got it during her appearance on this week’s WWE.
Biggest Burden: Will Forte better be damn good in his newly-ordered Fox sitcom, seeing as it’s titled THE LAST MAN ON EARTH… which would seem to limit the blame he can cast on fellow castmates if it bombs!
Why Your Cable Bill Won’t Be Going Down: Comcast is looking to gobble up Time-Warner, because, you know, anti-monopoly rules only work on the board game.
Tackiest Award Show: Bravo continues to prove that its HOUSEWIVES franchise is about as real as the “outrage” Beverly Hills’ Joyce constantly claims to feel by announcing they’ll be handing out trophies to the various ladies… and we could not be using that term more loosely if we tried.
Trial We’d Most Love To Live-Tweet: The entire MODERN FAMILY cast — as well as the president of ABC — are among the 83 witnesses Chrystal Workman wants to take the stand and say she deserves custody of daughter Ariel Winter (Alex). If this isn’t made into a Lifetime movie, there is no justice in the world.
Witchiest Casting: The folks at ONCE UPON A TIME finally decided who’ll play Glinda, and it’s… eh, who cares. It’s not Kristen Chenowith (who played the part in Broadway’s Wicked, which is who we wanted.