Lamest Rationalization: Responding to backlash about HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER’s finale, Josh Radnor said he thought the series was really about “the lessons I had to learn before I met your mother.” Which would make sense if the show was titled BEFORE I MET YOUR MOTHER.
Second Lamest Rationalization: 60 MINUTES blamed an “audio error” for making a Tesla electric car sound loud. We can only assume by “audio error” they mean “we put fake audio in where there wasn’t any.”
Most Normal History-Making Moment: DAYS OF OUR LIVES Will and Sonny became daytime’s first male same-sex couple to tie the knot, and the world managed not to come to an end.
Trashiest Human Being Alive: TEEN MOM Farrah Abraham — already having done a sex tape and a song called “Blowing” (no, seriously) — is now being paid to write a trilogy of “erotic novels.” Who thought we’d long for the classy days of Snooki?
Most Unique Anniversary Present: In celebrating its 51st year on the air, GENERAL HOSPITAL treated viewers to scenes in which Maurice Benard’s Sonny chatted with Carly… featuring flashbacks of and appearances by three of the four women to have played the role over the years. (Jennifer who?)
Why We’re Feeling Old: It was 20 years ago this week that Madonna dropped a whole slew of F-bombs on THE LATE SHOW with David Letterman. Holy F*#%!
Best Rip-Off: Sure, THE WIL WHEATON PROJECT is “TALK SOUP for geeks.” But we love everything about it!
Why We’re Feeling Old, Part II: Letterman, whom many of us first began watching in college, announced he’s retiring next year.
Sexiest New Pairing: THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS has struck gold with Victoria and the M.D. we’d all love to play doctor with, Stitch.
Worst Timing Ever: Olivia and the SCANDAL Gladiators managed to bring B613 to a grinding halt… just as the shady organization was about to intercept Mama Pope and her bomb, described by Charlie as, “the Mona Lisa of boom.”
Proof That The “Sanctity Of Marriage” Argument Is A Crock: While gay folk still have to fight for the right to wed because their doing so would somehow damage the institution, A&E has picked up a series called MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT in which six people agree to legally marry the moment they meet.
Least Necessary Expansion: Is anyone out there begging for a third hour of GOOD MORNING, AMERICA? If so, please report to our offices for flogging.
Most Likely To Burn-up On Re-entry: THE ASTRONAUT WIVES CLUB, originally slated to launch this summer, has been delayed until mid-season.
When To Kiss Your Butt Good-Bye: It looks like we finally know when end times — aka the rapture — will begin. HBO’s THE LEFTOVERS, focusing on those left behind after the big event, will debut on June 15, following the season finale of GAME OF THRONES.
Least Surprising Revelation: Bryan Cranston — who is working on his memoirs — told the CBS THIS MORNING crew that his BREAKING BAD alter ego, Walter White, suffered from “a deep depression.” Well, duh!
Most Likely To Be Ignored: Fans of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER — ticked at the show’s final episode — petitioned to have the cast and crew reshoot the episode.
Best Mix Of Business And Pleasure: The boardroom clash between THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Ridge and Rick was this soap at its very best.
Interviewer Most Likely To Play Softball: George W. Bush — who has been mostly mute since leaving office — will do an interview on TODAY. The person conducting said interview? Daughter Jenna Bush Hager. The topic? His artwork. Set your DVR’s now, kids.
Craziest Voting: With two immunity idols in play, a shattered alliance and Tony being even more obnoxious than usual, this week’s tribal council was one of the more entertaining in recent SURVIVOR memory.
Most Surprising Reprecussion: After confessing in court to having used cocaine and marijuana, THE TASTE judge Nigella Lawson reportedly was blocked from boarding a plane in London that was bound for the U.S.
Least Likely To Be Noticed: Unable to get permission to shoot at the University of Iowa, the folks at GIRLS intend to shoot “around” the campus and use another school when necessary.