Sex, Lies & THE BACHELORETTE

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With one awkwardly uttered sentence, THE BACHELORETTE’s Nick Viall pulled back the curtain in so dramatic a fashion that even Chris Harrison couldn’t prevent the audience from seeing just how tawdry a freakshow he’s presiding over.

“If you weren’t in love with me,” uttered the clearly besotted guy when finally he got to confront would-be bride Andi Dorfman on live television, “I don’t know why you made love with me.”

For those not in the know, the next-to-last step in the process of finding love on national television involves spending a night in a fantasy suite. At this point, our searching-for-love damsel has narrowed the field down to two worthy suitors, each of whom is offered the chance to spend the night with the maiden. And while it’s rarely revealed what actually goes on behind those closed doors, it is widely assumed that… how to put this?

She takes them for a test drive.

But, of course, the long-running series wants to preserve the carefully constructed illusion that this isn’t some tacky show about a chick (or, in the case of THE BACHELOR, dude) making out with a bunch of people, sleeping with a few and then receiving (or making) the most romantic proposal imaginable.

So instead of admitting that the final two are ushered into what is essentially a fancy No-Tell Motel, we are told they will be spending the night in a Fantasy Suite. Cue the orchestra, focus on the fireplace, fade to black.

But last night, Nick kinda broke the rules by saying what really went on, which is that a day or two before becoming engaged to blank-faced baseballer Josh Murray, Andi got busy with his rival.

And the fun didn’t stop there.

After Nick asked the million-dollar question, Andi made her notorious frowny face and took him to task for hitting “below the belt” and said that some things were meant to be private.

That’s right, the woman who went on TV not once but twice in order to find love said that some things are meant to be private.

But wait! There’s more!

Once Nick and Andi’s awkward encounter had been milked for all it was worth, it was time to bring out Josh. You know, the guy who walked away the “winner” of this demure young woman’s much sought-after hand. And Harrison, the host with the most, had to get things back on track. In the blink of an eye, he had to turn what had become an awkward sex scandal into yet another BACHELORETTE success story, proving that love conquers all.

So it probably goes without saying that he didn’t ask Josh, “Hey, what are your thoughts on the fact that Nick just admitted he and Andi slept together the night before you got engaged?” And when Josh mentioned that he and Andi’s dad had become buddies, our host didn’t ask the obvious question: “Wonder what Papa Dorfman thinks about the whole slept-with-Nick thing?”

Instead, Harrison brought out Grumpy Cat so the furry feline and Andi could have a frown off, and the hour ended with talk of a wedding and one more bit of awkwardness that found the newly engaged couple denying pregnancy rumors and Josh admitting “I’m trying!”

Probably by doing the same thing we’d just been told Andi did with Nick.

“The show works!” said a beaming Josh at the hour’s end. “Everything works!”

Tell that to the heartbroken dude who was in Andi’s bed the night before you got engaged, Josh. Something tells me he wouldn’t agree.

Richard M. Simms watches way too much television and, as executive editor of Soaps In Depth, actually gets paid to do so. You can chat with him on Twitter @dispatchesFTC.

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  • Suzanne

    Just to correct one thing fantasy suites are with the last 3 guys, even tawdrier!