Best Guest Star: THE MINDY PROJECT scored a homerun by casting Rhea Pearlman as Danny’s TV Guide loving, girlfriend hating hypercritical mom, Annette. Here’s hoping she swings by from time to time!
Best First Impression: Despite being on screen for less than a minute, Cory Michael Smith managed to perfectly capture Edward Nigma — aka The Riddler — in the pilot of GOTHAM.
Most Relatable Moment: SLEEPY HOLLOW’s Ichabod may be, like, 250 years old, but everyone who’s ever been the victim of an unwanted surprise party nodded when he declared, “Is there no end to this birthday madness?”
Least Consequential Death: While the two-hour finale of DALLAS’ third season featured great moments and numerous cliffhangers, the highly-touted “Which Ewing will die?” teaser wound up being kinda pointless. Does anybody really care that Christopher — who was barely even in the episode — bit the dust?
Best Passing Glance: SCANDAL delivered on just about everything fans could want… especially in that closing shot of Olivia and Fitz walking past one another, eyes straight ahead, fingers practically twitching with the desire to touch… never has a scene with so little physical contact caused so much swooning.
Lamest Attitude: During an interview with radio hosts Toucher & Rich, baseball great (if only in his own mind) John Rocker got pissy when asked about the only things that make him of any interest to anyone, and then summed up his SURVIVOR experience as being “the worst thing I’ve ever done.” Wonder if that includes the time he talked about not wanting to be on a subway with “some queer with AIDS”?
Least Change-Like Change: Entertainment Weekly reported that ratings-challenged (read: bomb) UTOPIA is shaking things up by allowing cast members to vote one another out and then decide who to welcome into their society. Except, um, the show has already featured both of those elements when the cast voted out Dave (after he first removed himself and then tried to stage a return) and in Kristen.
Why I’m Feeling Old Today: FREAKS & GEEKS debuted 15 years ago this week. Meaning there are teenagers who have no idea what the show was.
Most Deserved Win: Honestly, I’d have been thrilled to see anyone but the annoying Frankie win the “America’s Favorite Houseguest” award on BIG BROTHER. But having it go to nice-guy Donny — by a landslide — was even better.
Biggest Nightmare: THE GOOD WIFE’s Cary is a pretty boy locked behind bars with a whole lotta folks he might have put there. That’s right up there with my recurring dream about Burger King deciding they will no longer sell Satisfries. Wait… that really happened???
Best Unintentional PR Folks Ever: Yet again, Tim Winters of the Parents Television Council proved that there’s no such thing as bad publicity by getting people talking about a rape joke in this weekend’s SIMPSONS/FAMILY GUY crossover, guaranteeing folks who never would have watched tune in to see what all the fuss is about. Kudos, you!
Happiest Network: ABC had to have been thrilled with it’s Thursday night line-up, given that ratings went up — a rare accomplishment — as the night went on, culminating with over 14 million people tuning in to HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER.
Quickest Reaction, Primetime Division: Viewers of HBO’s TRUE DETECTIVE took to Twitter to blast the casting of Colin Farrell and Vince Vaughan in the second season.
Quickest Reaction, Daytime Division: THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS viewers and those in the soap media were stunned to learn that the show was being put in the hands of Chuck Pratt. The term most often used in conjunction with his name? “Show killer.” Geez, couldn’t we get him a gig on KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS?
Oddest Update: NBC is planning to turn the Val Kilmer movie Real Genius into a series. Because, you know… it’s so beloved. Whatcha wanna bet they meant to buy the rights to Weird Science and somebody just screwed up?
Having A Worse Week Than You: GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Jason starred in his own version of The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Having been dead, resurrected, experimented on and nearly blown up, he finally escaped his captors… only to be run down by a car.
Best Fit: The Anthony Anderson-led Johnson family of BLACKISH are perfect timeslot neighbors to the Dunphy’s of MODERN FAMILY.
Worst Defense: As much fun as HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER is, the premiere seemed to indicate that Viola Davis’ character is a God-awful attorney. Every major point scored on behalf of her client came from a student as opposed to the one with all the experience!
Coolest Dichotomy: MASTERS OF SEX has done a gorgeous job of setting Bill’s women on almost directly opposite evolutionary paths. As mistress Virginia has realized just how little she really has, wife Libby has begun opening up to the possibilities presented by the world.
Worst Kept Secret: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Hope said she wasn’t ready to announce her pregnancy… even as she told mom Brooke (who in turn told Deacon) and ex-boyfriend Liam. The person she has yet to tell? Hubby/babydaddy Wyatt!