Oddest Weather: SCANDAL featured folks hanging outside in t-shirts and — in Mellie’s case — bathrobes as the president prepared to give his State Of The Union address… which is held in the dead of winter.
Least Twisty Twist: While we’re talking SCANDAL, let’s just admit that absolutely every viewer tuning in knew that Cyrus’ sexy himbo hooker was on the payroll of Portia de Rossi’s Lizzie and her awesome hair.
Most Likely To Fail: Do the HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER students ever actually go to class? Because as far as I can tell, they’re always either doing their teacher’s work or attending her court cases!
Lamest Eviction: At long last, UTOPIA held its first who’ll-get-the-boot vote. But honestly? It’s hard to get worked up about unlikeable people tallying their votes on a chalkboard. With Fox already yanking one of the bi-weekly outings, look for the next eviction to be the show getting the axe.
Most Ironic Casting: Only days after his MASTERS OF SEX alter ego was revealed to be a traitor, Nicholas D’Agosto landed the role of GOTHAM’s Harvey Dent… who eventually morphs into Two Face!
Show Most Likely To See Major Changes: Although ABC renewed summer series MISTRESSES, Alyssa Milano will be exiting because of the show’s move to Canada. Also unlikely to return? Justin Hartley (Scott), who recently landed a major role on THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS.
Strongest Reaction: Think you don’t like going to the dentist? Charlie Sheen admits he freaked out while in a dentist’s chair… but denies he pulled a knife on the dental assistant.
Why I Feel Old This Week: Barry Williams — aka Greg Brady— turned 60.
Last To Know: The always-ready-to-be-outraged-about-something Parents TV Council got their collective panties in a bunch over the opening moments of STALKER… which have been featured in ads for months.
Funniest Statement: Apparently, George Zimmerman’s family hoped to “re-brand” his image with a reality show. In discussing that, brother Robert Zimmerman Jr. said to GQ words that have never before been uttered by anyone in the history of ever: “I learned a lot from watching KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS.”
Most Oblivious: Donald Trump asked Twitter “How is ABC Television allowed to have a show entitled BLACK-ISH?” He went on to accuse ABC of racism. But given his past political stances, I’m gonna break out the oldest chestnut in the book: He who smelt it dealt it.
Person For Whom Ish Just Got Real: THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY’s Teresa Giudice will be spending the next 15-months behind bars. But not before she and hubby Joe do a stint on Andy’s couch for Monday night’s WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE.
Worst Trade: You’ve gotta feel for MASTERS OF SEX’s Virginia. She basically handed off her children to her ex in order to focus on her work… even as it was revealed that Bill had sabotaged their all-important TV debut rather than see their study watered down for a national audience.
Funnest Cameo: Is there nothing Eileen Davidson can’t do? Already playing both THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Ashley and DAYS OF OUR LIVES’ Kristen, the most talented (and busiest) woman in daytime brought the later character’s hysterically cartoonish nemesis, Susan, back for a visit. The fact that she won’t be sticking around is just, in Susan’s words, “mean, mean, mean!”
Most Charming Newcomer: Sure, ice queen Elsa is the one who gets all the buzz, but Elizabeth Lail’s Anna might just be the coolest thing to hit ONCE UPON A TIME in years.
Mopiest Moppets: While the subject matter at hand was anything but amusing, we had to laugh when LAW & ORDER: SVU showed a group of the saddest kids this side of Oliver Twist watching a poster of their hero being taken down amidst rape allegations.
Sexiest Newcomver: THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS newbie Scott Elrod is so old-school, soap opera handsome he immediately grabs your attention. Better still, he manages to keep it when his character, Joe, speaks. Here’s hoping incoming scribe Chuck Pratt recognizes what a valuable asset he has in the hunk.