Best Music Cue: Harry Nilsson’s “Everybody’s Talkin’” drifting across the dunes beautifully connected REVENGE’s newly-undead David with the daughter he now mistakenly believes deceased.
Least Shocking Secret: Did anybody not figure out that THE WALKING DEAD’s Gabriel had locked out his parishioners before he revealed what he’d done?
Joke That Made Me Feel Crazy Old: Watching THE MIDDLE’s Axl try to figure out how to use a rotary phone was as funny as it was real to a whole lotta kids.
Saddest Parting: After two decades of playing scheme queen Sami Brady, Alison Sweeney left DAYS OF OUR LIVES, although the show wisely left the door open for the beauty and her sometimes beastly alter ego to return down the line should she so desire.
Worst Wedding Date: Couples on both GENERAL HOSPITAL and THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS planned to tie the knot on Halloween, and both found themselves dealing with very nasty tricks that were not a treat for anyone but viewers.
Coolest Move: It was a trickless treat for viewers when ABC actually benched GREY’S ANATOMY for a night in order to show THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN. Let’s hear it for family shows in what was once considered the family hour!
Proof Neil Patrick Harris Is A God: NBC is giving the multi-talented actor an opportunity to revive the long-dead variety show format. Hey, if anyone can do it, it’s him!
Best Twist: SCANDAL’s Olivia gave a death-row prisoner exactly what he wanted… proof that he was, in fact, guilty! Having beat Liv in court, an excited David proclaimed, “I out-Poped Olivia Pope. Eat it, sucker!”
Least Bloody Slaughter: On the heels of Kelley being booted from SURVIVOR last week, dad Dale opened this week’s outing thusly: “Tribal was probably as bad as it could get. For me, it was obviously very upsetting, ’cause you see complete strangers slaughter your daughter in front of your eyes.” Dude, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times… don’t exaggerate.
Oddest “Crossover”: Lily Rabe will guest on the current season of AMERICAN HORROR STORY… as the character she played two seasons ago, Sister Mary Eunice. Who for some reason won’t recognize, you know, all the other people who look just like the ones from the asylum.
Biggest Waste Of Time: Think two hours of THE BACHELOR was too much to sit through? Well, ABC thinks you want even more, as evidenced by the fact they’re launching farmer Chris’ season with a 3-hour premiere.
Heartiest News: Sure, E! may be home to the Kardashians, but they also just renewed Joel McHale’s stint as host of THE SOUP through 2016, assuring he’ll be around to mock the family for a long time to come.
Least Likely To Be Getting A Good Education: The law students on HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER spend all their time either doing their teacher’s work or sitting in the courtroom during her trials. Do they not have classes — other than hers — to attend?
Biggest Bummer:v WE gave the axe to THE DIVIDE, it’s first scripted series. Here’s hoping the failure of this smart, well-written, occasionally brilliant series doesn’t convince the network to continue pumping out such compelling programming as KENDRA ON TOP and TAMAR & VINCE.
Most Positive Message: Kudos to AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL for the “No Glove, No Love” photo shoot. The CW’s young-skewing audience is exactly the right target for reminders about safe sex.
Best Reaction: In response to controversy about TWO AND A HALF MEN’s plan to have Alan and Walden wed in order to adopt a child, Jon Cryer told ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT he “understood,” adding, “Let’s remember, same-sex adoption is still illegal in some states, so I can see why people would be nervous about it. And as long as the first is still being fought, they have a right to be sensitive about it.”
Favorite Neighbor: Here’s hoping MARRY ME keeps Julie around to push Annie’s buttons. Because honestly, the world needs more of their portrayers, Jessica St. Clair and Casey Wilson, together. It just does.
Newsiest News About A Fake News Show: Stephen Colbert announced he’ll be leaving his show a week before Christmas.
Creepiest Clown: Move over Pennywise, because this week’s AMERICAN HORROR STORY pushed Twisty (R.I.P.!) to the top of the list… with partner-in-literal-crime Dandy not far behind!