Most Prophetic Letter: The residents of UTOPIA were told that the social experiment was “about to change forever.” Sure enough, two days after the episode aired, Fox’s reality show was axed.
Cruelest Stunt: The Discovery Channel is planning to air a special in which a man is EATEN ALIVE by a snake. Given that a camera can easily see the inside of any creature in a much safer, more humane way, this is the sort of crap that any network — let alone one supposedly dedicated to education and science — should be ashamed of.
Twistiest Twist: GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Ava revealed that babynapper Nina’s mad mama, Madeline, had actually paid her to seduce Silas all those years ago.
Biggest Shock: Out of the blue, fans of THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL found out that Kim Matula — whose Hope has pretty much been at the center of the show for the past two years — is exiting the canvas and had already taped her final episode.
Most-Made Joke: Practically every outlet covering the election-night results referred to AMERICAN IDOL runner-up Clay Aiken’s failed campaign as him coming in second again. Including, as of now, us.
Least Shocking Shock, Part I: Did anyone watching GREY’S ANATOMY not figure out that Geena Davis’ Dr. Herman was dying before she made her dramatic pronouncement? Anyone? Bueller?
Least Shocking Shock, Part 2: Given all the talk of Annalise’s past miscarriages and current attempts to get pregnant, it seemed a foregone conclusion that her hubby’s dead mistress was, of course, pregnant at the time of her murder.
Silliest Protest: Okay, I don’t want to laugh about this, but… come on! The International Paruresis Association (aka the Shy Bladder Society) is upset about the DirecTV ads starring “painfully awkward Rob Lowe” being unable to pee at a urinal. No, seriously. Like, they’re upset about this. Me? I’m laughing so hard at, not with, them that I just peed myself a little bit.
Creepiest Case: This week’s LAW & ORDER: SVU didn’t just rip a story from the headlines, it pretty much recreated the terrifying “Slenderman” attempted murder case from earlier this year.
Least Necessary Announcement: Bravo confirmed that Lisa Rinna (ex-Billie, DAYS OF OUR LIVES) and Eileen Davidson (Kristen, DAYS; Ashley, THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS) will join the cast of THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS… which everyone has known for about six months. In related news… is there anything Davidson, who has proven to be one of the most versatile actresses in daytime, can’t do?
Best Entrance: THE WALKING DEAD answered the question of Carol’s whereabouts by having her wheeled into the hospital where Beth’s being held just in time to prevent the blonde from committing murder.
Most Damning Proof: Need evidence that the Parents TV Council doesn’t know what the heck they’re talking about? The group’s president, Tim Winter, blasted ABC for putting “a peep show next to a playground” when they supposedly aired IT’S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN before SCANDAL. He went on to add, “In less than 26 seconds, we were taken from the Peanuts pumpkin patch to a steamy SCANDAL sex scene.” Except… um, no. Because after PUMPKIN, ABC aired YOU’RE NOT ELECTED CHARLIE BROWN, which features a SCANDAL-like plot in which Lucy goes all GOP on the playground by practicing voter intimidation.
Most Prophetic Statement: “I just love live TV. You never know what’s going to happen!” declared REVENGE’s Nolan… seconds before being eviscerated in front of the cameras by Emily’s back-from-the-dead daddy.