Dirtiest Sounding Innocent Conversation: During an exchange on TOP CHEF, hostess Padma Lakshmi and guest judge Rob Gronkowski judged a sausage-cooking challenge. “I eat a lot,” he admitted, adding, “I need a big sausage.” With a wicked grin, Padma said with a smile, “Me, too!” Much blushing and tittering ensued.

Series We’re Pronouncing DOA Sight Unseen: Sorry, USA, but when you hired show-killer Christian Slater to head the cast of MR. ROBOT, you made it about as likely to succeed as my next diet.

Best Break-Up: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Katie finally told Ridge that the song suggests a man who likes it put a “ring” on it, not a red ribbon. Best of all, the pair’s engagement came to an end without screaming or accusations, but rather in a quiet series of scenes that still managed to pack a huge emotional punch.

Why The Elves Are Grumpy: “Santa doesn’t do payraises,” said THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Paul while dressed as the gift-giving chubbser.

Why I Feel Old This Week: THE SIMPSONS debuted 25 years ago this week… and I remember when they were just a segment on THE TRACY ULLMAN SHOW. Someone, shoot me. Please?

Best Casting: Yup, we can totally see the pairing of Anthony Edwards and Ana Gasteyer resulting in the birth of GIRLS’ Shoshanna!

Most Mixed Message: First came a story saying that MYTHBUSTERS was going to kick off its 13th season with a SIMPSON’s-centric episode. Later came word that the show would be “more educational” this year. Something tells me that word doesn’t mean what the folks at Discovery Channel think it does.

Silliest Concept: SURVIVOR’s 30th season, called “Worlds Apart”, will pit white collar folks vs blue collar folks vs… um, no collar folks? That third category is “people who break the rules” and “don’t care about the status quo.” In other words, people who will stir up trouble and, the producers clearly hope, controversy.

Most Narrow Point Of View: Sorry everyone who has ever experienced racism but isn’t black — yes, that means you, Asians! — but you haven’t actually experienced racism. So declared Whoopi Goldberg during a heated argument with THE VIEW co-host Rosie O’Donnell.

Worst Way To End A Series: THE COLBERT REPORT left the airwaves with an episode that had absolutely nothing to do with what the show has been during its run.

Oddest Product Placement: Talk about a bargain! Turns out AMERICAN HORROR STORY: FREAK SHOW’s Elsa traded three cases of Dr. Pepper for the adorable Ma Petite!

Most Carefully Staged Product Placement: When the PROJECT RUNWAY ALL STARS were challenged to design outfits for couples who would be going on first dates after having met via, the pairs were — shocker — all pretty people, none of whom skipped out early on or had a friend place a fake emergency call to get them out of the dates.

Most Annoying Chef: Does anyone find Ludo’s ridiculously childish behavior on THE TASTE entertaining? Frankly, we were with Anthony when he quipped, “I hope Santa puts some Thorazine in Ludo’s stocking.” We’d also chip in on a muzzle.

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