AMERICAN IDOL Season 14 Recap: We Rank the Best and Worst San Francisco Auditions

american idol san francisco auditions

As we roll into the final week of ‘Idol’ Auditions, we’re still in the search for that ever-elusive memorable audition.

One way or the other, we’re still looking for it. Maybe it’s William Hung or the Pants on the Ground Guy giving us outrageous comedy of pure awfulness that this show built its first month on for so many seasons. Or maybe it’s a blow-away audition like what’s-her-name and whozeits?

That’s my point – nobody remembers the good auditions. We remember the good contestants from down the road, but I can’t think of any winners or even finalists whose auditions I recall as being memorable or even particularly good. Still, you’d think somebody could deliver on that idea.

So did we get anything memorable last night? Not quite, but there’s still a lot to discuss.

This was the girl who came in with a fur coat that she referred to as her “pimp coat”. She then went on to be really super duper hilarious by claiming David Bowie gave her the coat when they were partying in the late 70s despite the fact that she’s fifteen. I mean clearly this girl missed her calling by trying to be a singer – she really should try to host a variety show. We’re looking at the next Carol Burnett here. She even has a psychic cat that she makes really funny and hilarious jokes about. Why is she bothering with singing?

Another relevant reason to raise that question is the fact that the kid has no pipes. She kinda sorta sounds like a singer at moments, but the adopts like five different singing styles over the course of 90 second audition in an attempt to make her meager voice sound interesting. Really, she just sounded lost. That could be because she’s only fifteen and hasn’t figured out how to really harness what voice she has yet. Or it could be because her David Bowie coat is somehow sapping her powers.

You decide.

This guy may have set the record for both the shortest and longest audition. He’s the guy who was allowed a prelude to his audition of an improvised telenovela. Well, improvised in that he told everyone where to stand and what to do right up until J-Lo fake slapped him to the ground. It went on for awhile, long past the point of its being interesting and it was never funny so far long past that point.

His audition, however, was unique in its brevity. Samuel’s voice was so weak, like a mouse with a cold, that the judges

This was the guy who came in with a purple velvet hat and looked like the world’s nicest pimp’s apprentice. I can’t fault the dude’s choice of song, I’m an unabashed Katy Perry fan and totally dig “Wide Awake”, but he might want to consider actually being able to sing it before he chooses it for an audition song. Seems like a novel idea.

Rather than sing it, Rayvon struggled against it. Like the song was the surface of a lake and he was just trying to keep his voice above water long enough to stay alive. Oddly, he did stay alive in the competition as the judges put him through. I cannot see why.

This was the girl who seemed like the long-lost fourth member of Haim, complete with a 70s hat, 70s sweater and 70s rock vibe. Though she vibed like she should be in a modern rock combo with a throwback sound, she sounded completely classic. She dug into Billy Joel’s “New York” state of mind with something of a folk/jazz voice that didn’t sound like either the Amy Winehouse clones or busking “artists” that typically make up the singer/songwriter type on this show.

Her sound was completely original, but it felt like it had been around for awhile. Maybe because she should already be making records. Let’s just hope they don’t bury her like another lovely siren with a jazz tone of years back. Yes, that’s our first Molly DeWolf Swenson reference of 2015. Take a drink.

This is the guy who in year’s past would probably have been one of those memorably bad auditions. He’s a youngster who came in rocking a bow tie and a ukulele for crissakes. This is supposed to be something out of the lame ‘Idol’ audition playbook. 

Of course, we quickly learned this wouldn’t be the case because he got the full backstory treatment and we found out that he lives in a house with (gasp!) 60 people. I’m not sure how that’s possible exactly, but here we are.

So Reno is pretty good. He’s not great. He definitely has a very soulful sound that fits his ukulele, but I’m not sure how that’s going to play on the big stage. Reno’s inclusion on this list really just shows how bad the “good” contestants were last night.

This is the girl who came in like a ball of energy to close the show and definitely took the wide-eyed ‘Idol’ aspirant to a new level of “calm down!” annoyance. She was pretty good, solid pop voice and she could definitely belt. Like really belt – no screaming masquerading as singing, she can actually do it. Still, she’s a sixteen-year-old and showed that she’s not quite ready to dominate though she will be probably a few years from now.

The judges loved her though. Absolutely couldn’t get enough of her. They told he she’s basically already won the competition, said she should tel everyone to go home right now – essentially declared her the next big thing in the music industry after two minutes of singing.

So will she actually become memorable? We’ll just have to wait and see.

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