Richest Nerd: “I have two billion, four hundred thousand, eighty-seven dollars and thirty-eight cents,” declared SCANDAL’s Huck as the bidding for Olivia got underway.
Least Missed: Sorry, Barbara, but since Leslie arrived in GOTHAM, Jim hasn’t given you a second thought… and neither have we.
Worst Guest List: There was not one likeable person attending the birthday party around which THE SLAP revolved, making it hard to care much about what happened.
Best Entrance: With the arrival of Raven-Symoné’s Olivia and her kid, EMPIRE — often described by its creators as a black take on DYNASTY — got its Sammy Jo.
Best Cliffhanger: After months of being blind — literally and figuratively — to the fact his wife and son were sleeping together, THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Neil revealed that he’d gotten his sight back and prepared to blast them!
Most Missed: THE BACHELOR’s Kelsey — you know, the cray cray widow who tried to hijack the show? — was the best thing about this season. And the producers obviously know it, since they’re making a big deal about interviewing the newly-ousted contestant on the next episode!
Saddest Hour: If you didn’t cry during this week’s episode of GREY’S ANATOMY, you’re deader than Jackson and April’s child.
Best “Accident”: For about 20 minutes, fans of HOUSE OF CARDS were able to check out Season 3 thanks to someone at Netflix slipping up. The fact that this got the show and it’s actual return date a whole lot of publicity, however, leaves us wondering if this was less accident and more publicity stunt!
Most Unique Twist: When DAYS OF OUR LIVES’ Paul came out to his parents, he did it in their native tongue, Japanese, while English subtitles were displayed on screen.
Latest To Go To The Dark Side: FRIENDS’ Marcel the monkey posed with Kendall Jenner during a fashion shoot. Et tu, Marcel?
Smartest Move: STARZ will be running a trailer for OUTLANDER before showings of 50 Shades Of Grey, both of which are sexy romps starring hot Irish guys but only one of which is based on a book worth reading.
Something To (Not) Sing About: The DUCK DYNASTY musical reportedly will delve into Phil Robertson’s homophobic remarks. Because, you know, there needs to be yet another way for these people to make money off of their wrong-side-of-history behavior.
Least Technologically Savvy: Tim Winter, president of the Parents Television Council, is yet again asking his followers to file complaints against FAMILY GUY. Can somebody find this dude’s remote control and teach him how the “off” button works so the rest of us can watch what we choose without him getting his panties in a bunch?
Best Use Of Time: NBC is devoting over four hours to SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’s 40th anniversary Sunday night in an effort to remind people of a time when this show was as funny as it was relevant.
Most Likely To Be Listened To Next Time: Tom Brokaw reportedly had been warning NBC news that Brian Williams was exaggerating details of that downed Iraqi helicopter story for over a year.
Most Self-Deprecating: Responding to suggestions that he take over THE DAILY SHOW, Joel McHale said, “I think I come off as smart, but deep down, I’m really not!”
Sexiest Art Project: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Ridge went from painting Caroline’s portrait to painting Caroline. Things only got steamier from there!