Hello, peeps! It’s the last MENTALIST episode EVER. I will warn you. This is going to be supersized. The show was two hours, and I’ll never be writing another MENTALIST recap again. I may get a little shouty and maudlin. Fair warning. Here are your MENTALIST Top Moments!
Jane’s bought some land!
Yes, he did buy that little shack by the lake. Jane may stay with the FBI…or not. But he wants to renovate his new acquisition. Lisbon makes him promise never to run away again. And begs him to take off that ring. His reluctance makes me want to choke him through the screen. When she backpedals later, I want to strangle her. That is more than a reasonable request. Stop holding back, girl! Seriously.
There’s a serial killer on the loose!
In case you haven’t heard. He killed Gabriel, and now a nice suburban housewife. Jane thinks the scamp is getting more “playful” by leaving her body out there for the world to see. He’s also added a new twist to his repertoire. Besides the fingernail, he took a cup of blood.
Rick, who was at the CBI and the FBI Santa Fe office, has worked with Jane before, enough to know to keep his hand on his wallet, so at least we won’t have the wide-eyed, “Who the hell is this guy” stare whenever someone new gets involved in an investigation with Jane.
Since the guy takes blood, the new theory is he may be into some weird stuff, so they’re going to look into cults, etc.
Good ol’ Rick immediately ingratiates himself to Jane by suggesting Jane go on TV and pretend to be psychic to draw the guy out. Wow. The look on Jane’s face. You don’t see it often, but dayum. Cho clues him in, and Rick’s all “The wife and kid.” Oy. I thought he didn’t know. That makes it worse. Lisbon is also furious.
She tries to distract Jane by telling him poor Gabriel had little tumors in his brain, and that’s what caused all of his hallucinations, which is what I suspected after that little seizure he had plus his fear of going to the doctor. I mean, I guess at this point it wouldn’t have mattered, but still…
There’s a call that someone shot the serial killer, but we’re barely into the episode, so I’m sure it’s a false alarm. It is. Some poor guy and his wife, who don’t speak English, were going through trash cans looking for recyclables. The owner of the house grabbed their gun, yelled a warning the guy didn’t understand, and shot him. Then called to say he shot a serial killer. Someone that stupid should never have been issued a gun. He looks like someone’s grandpa.
Austin PD are getting a zillion calls a day. Cho asks for the log. To my utter shock, Jane volunteers to take Rick’s suggestion, under Lisbon’s vehement denial.
Jane the Psychic!
Wow. Who would have thought Jane would be on TV again, pretending to be a psychic. The reporter asks what it’s like to be a psychic. Instead of answering, Jane immediately tells the newscaster he just had a daughter and the daughter’s name, then talks to another woman about her dead aunt. We switch to a radio interview, in which Jane says the serial killer is trying to get in touch with someone on the other side.
Rick comes in to relieve Lisbon and says he’ll take Jane home. Lisbon goes out to her car. I’m already nervous.
Then Jane gets a call from “Lazarus” who says he spoke with someone like Jane once. He was a fake, and you could practically see it written on him.
Meanwhile, back at the FBI, they pick up on the “fake” thing and know Lazarus is the killer. Wylie traces his number to a landline. My head screams He’s calling from inside the house as things heat up. YIKES!
Lazarus says he believes in spirits, just not always the people who say they can communicate with them.
As the FBI busts in the door of where they think Lazarus is but clearly is not, he signs off his call to Jane, who gets an “OH CRAP” look on his face as he pulls out his phone. It’s Abbott to say Lazarus rigged the phone, of course.
Then it’s a showdown. Lisbon arrives at the Airstream to find it open, but it’s a false alarm. Rick and Jane get into the car, and that’s when a truck comes and slams into them. I’m NOT HAPPY.
I’m really not happy when I find out Patrick has been abducted. Rick is in the hospital. Lisbon is trying to keep it together as Abbott apologizes to her. But he does hold a ray of hope, since Lazarus took Jane rather than killing him, and Jane is pretty good at manipulating people.
Speaking of that, Jane is chained to a table with a pillowcase on his head. After it gets pulled off. Jane comes face-to-face with his abductor and looks around his place as you know he’s trying to get a bead on this guy.
Lazarus holds a gun to Jane and asks him to prove he’s not a liar. Oddly enough, Jane will use his finely honed lying skills to do just that.
A guilty Rick is already back at work, and Wylie has found a bookstore called Grimoire, only three miles from the buried bodies. Abott and Cho reject the idea, but Wylie, who seems to have developed his cajones, says Jane would and how he’d say how if you do the usual things, you get the usual results, which in this case is dead Jane. Cho is now on board.
Back at Creepytown, Jane tells Lazarus about his strict dad and how now he feels he deserves it. Also, he’s an exterminator. Then they get to the nitty gritty, which is that Jane needs to contact the spirit in the house. Jane says there aren’t any, and Lazarus starts with the fraud stuff, until he gets a call about an extermination job he needs to finish. He gives Jane the requested water and leaves.
Of course, Jane uses the top of the bottle as a tool to free himself. He not only manages to loosen the chains from the table but also unlock the handcuffs. That circus background comes in handy. But it’s not enough to get him out of the locked room.
In a bit of comic relief, Wylie and Cho visit Grimoire, where the owner complains about being arrested for practicing Santaria. She puts down the FBI for their religious persecution, and Cho thinks it’s a total waste of time, until Wylie says he’ll get the charges reduced for her if she helps them with the murder investigation. Just like that, she gets them an IP for a sooper seekrit creepy website. Afterward, Cho gives Wylie a low-five and a fist bump, and I do cartwheels. It looks like an awesome partnership is born!
Back at Crreepytown, Jane finds a badly decomposed body in a connected room to where he is. I guess there is indeed a spirit there. Lazarus’s strict dad?
That website, as Wylie describes it, is the Ebay of the deeply weird. A group of people said they’d harvest blood for their blood rituals. Wylie was able to get the name of a professor who was in the group, so Cho and Abbott scoot off to pick him up. Meanwhile, Wylie explains to Lisbon that the blood is used on a dead body to bind their spirit.
Creepytown. There’s a Polaroid picture of a guy wearing the same shirt the dead guy is wearing, and on the back it says “Joe and Joe, Jr.” so yeah, Daddy.
FBI. Lisbon goes all Jane on the professor who cried “Lawyer” from the moment he was brought in. Lisbon knows he’s lying about knowing the names of the people in the group, and after she threatens to spread every kinky secret he’s ever had, the guy gives her the names. Damn. Lisbon in Jane mode is awesome!
Creepytown. By the time Lazarus comes back, Jane has chained himself back up and dazzles Lazarus with his knowledge of dad and their fishing trip. Lazarus explains that he keeps his dad there, because he hears a voice that makes him go out and find someone. Once he does, he’s okay again for a while. He asks “dad” if it’s his voice. That’s when Jane says his dad’s voice is gone, and he needs an hour to recuperate. Then asks for some gum. Oh, Jane.
Jane goes back to where daddy is, blows out the pilot light in the water heater, turns out the light, and puts gum over the light bulb.
FBI. Lisbon and Cho are closing in. They’ve found Joe’s old landlady. As she searches for the exterminator company card in her purse, Wylie tells them dad may have been a serial killer. DUN DUN DUN. Wylie has an address. Lisbon is going to check it out while Cho sticks with the landlady. Alone? Please tell me she’s not going alone.
She’s going alone.
Creepytown, Lazarus comes back. Jane points to the room where dead daddy is. While Lazarus is in there, the light bulb sizzles then bursts. Since the room is filled with gas, the whole thing explodes. Just before it happens, Jane tries to leave, but I think he’s only able to hit the deck. As the explosion happens, Lisbon arrives.
Supremely freaked, she runs toward the house and manages to kick down the door to find Jane coughing on the floor. YAY.
OH NO! Lazarus made it out. This is not good. Rick supervises the cleanup crew.
Jane Takes Off His Wedding Ring!
EEEE!!!! They didn’t even make a big deal about it. Just Lisbon brings lunch over to the new house and notices.
“You’re not wearing your wedding ring.”
“I’m not married.”
I’VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR THIS!
I’m sorry, but this deserved two entries.
Anyway, Jane takes the ring out of his pocket and talks about how it signifies his past but also that if he hadn’t had the ring, he never would have met Lisbon. He wants to share it with her and have it represent their future. Then he asks her to marry him! Of COURSE she says yes.
When she tells him he knew she’d say yes, he tells her that after all these years, she’s still a mystery to him. Then he kisses her. Sigh. My shipper heart just grew three sizes.
Abbott has a case of lame duckness, poor guy, and is trying to find something to do now that the case is supposedly wrapped up, when Jane and Lisbon come in to announce the engagement. Shipper Abbott is the first to congratulate them, and I guess Cho wasn’t as oblivious as I thought, because he claims he totally knew.
They inform everyone they’re going to just go to the Justice of the Peace. Let’s see how that pans out.
Lisbon also Skypes with her brothers. It’s all very adorable. Already the plan for a small, quiet, just Jane and Lisbon wedding is getting blown to bits, when the brothers get insulted they won’t be there and insist upon it. Guilt, guilt, guilt, Mom will spin in her grave, etc. etc. The woman is Catholic. Of course it worked. Before she says anything, Jane tells her it’s okay that she invited her brothers.
Then, of course, it’s weird that just the brothers will be there, and where do you draw the line as to inviting coworkers, and you get where this is going. Jane surrenders as Lisbon’s number of invited people grows as he’s sitting there. He decides to put an end to the nonsense by saying he’s going out to buy her a ring. Lisbon warns him to get nothing too gauche. Oh, Lisbon.
Abbott offers to have the wedding at his house, and by now the number has reached fifteen.
OMG! Lisbon brings CHO to help her pick out her dress. I guess she wanted someone honest and to the point.
We don’t see the final dress.
Rigsby and Van Pelt also skype with her and agree to come to the wedding. They look great!
Also, two of the brothers come with significant others and a bunch of kids. It’s now a lavish affair with caterers.
Cho and Wylie!
Wylie tries to wimp out yet again. He’s upset he made some wrong turns on the whole Lazarus thing, so he’s going to Salt Lake to be in Cyber Crime. He can’t look at Vega’s desk, etc. Cho gives Wylie the Jethro Gibbs head smack! He tells Wylie to stop feeling sorry for himself. That he bats 300 on a good day and needs to put Vega in perspective. He’s rebuilding the team, and he wants people he can trust. That includes Wylie. He humbles himself and asks Wylie to stay. He agrees.
The Case Must Go On!
A badly burned and sooted-up Lazarus is stocking up on medical supplies at the local drugstore as hilariously Tom Jones It’s not Unusual plays in the background. I love the little touches on this show.
He also manages to get a “Don’t Mess with Texas” cap to cover up his burned-off hair and some non-sooty clothes. He tells the horrified cashier it was some barbequing accident. Uh, yeah.
He seems to have kidnapped the news reporter. Never go to a secondary location, dude. It never turns out well.
Ugh. They drive to a remote location, where Lazarus asks for the reporter’s driver’s license then proceeds to brutally stab him repeatedly. It’s horrible to watch with the reporter yelling “NO!” all the way through. This show doesn’t usually show all of this gore, and with all of the fluffy happiness going on, this was a little too much to handle.
Then Lazarus calls the FBI. Rick answers, and he pretends to be the reporter. Rick lets him know Jane is out of the office, because he’s getting married. Oh, my gosh. Shut UP, Rick.
Right after Lisbon and Jane leave the City Clerk’s office, Lazarus comes in there. He still looks all banged up and a little deranged, so the clerk looks a little frightened. Lazarus asks for the marriage paperwork and says his bride-to-be is on the way.
As the clerk goes to answer a call, I guess the paperwork just sits there in a basket on top of the counter, because Lazarus is able to sift through it and find Jane’s paperwork. This is not good.
Cho also figures out that Lazarus may still be alive, since they’ve only found Daddy’s body parts. Abbott says not to tell Jane and Lisbon but says he’ll put some “bodies” at the wedding. He’s just happy for something to do.
Then Rick comes to tell Abbott and Cho how the reporter is missing, and oh yeah, he informed said reporter Jane was getting married. So now not only do they have a huge wedding, but there will be a gaggle of agents standing guard, plus a helicopter on standby. Thanks, RICK. When he suggests using the wedding as bait, he gets two death glares.
Jane corners Abbott, who still refuses to tell him what’s going on but does ask Jane if he’s sticking around. There’s talk of “the napkin.” Jane talks about how it would be hard to give up the chase. Then Jane totally guilts Abbott into telling him what’s going on by talking about how he appreciates Abbott’s honesty. Jane knows how to push those buttons. In a bout of cuteness, Jane gives Abbott a hug.
Jane goes to find Lisbon at Abbott’s totally freaking out over how this wedding thing has blown out of proportion. He suggests elopement. Lisbon agrees, then Jane hits her with how Lazarus is still alive. She gets upset then they agree to use the big wedding as a decoy. She runs to get her dress.
This brilliant plan goes FUBAR, as Lazarus is hiding in the judge’s trunk, and now instead of her leading him to a wedding with armed guards, she’s taking him directly to Jane’s out-of-the-way shack.
I guess that clerk at the City Clerk’s office was observant after all. She figured out about Lazarus and saw him take a peek at the paperwork. Wylie informs Cho and Abbott that the paperwork doesn’t show where the wedding will be but who is officiating. So, now they know about the whole judge situation.
So Jane waits for Lisbon outside of the Airstream. She looks beautiful in her wedding dress. After all of the disappointing ones from other shows, I’m so glad to see this. Anyway, they walk into the shack together, at which point Lazarus enters, only waiting for him are a slew of FBI agents, including Cho, Abbott, and Rick.
They take him down, and Lisbon doesn’t miss the opportunity to point out to Jane how much better it works out when he’s honest with her.
Jane and Lisbon Get Married!
WEEEE! The ceremony was beautiful. And I guess all of the money Abbott put into the centerpieces, etc., is going to waste, because they get married at their little shack. But somehow a dance floor and lights got out there, and everyone appears to be dancing and having a good time.
Lisbon Has Some News!
Jane and Lisbon watch the festivities from a distance. Lisbon says she has something to tell him. It looks like Jane gets to recapture everything he’s lost. Lisbon is pregnant, and Jane could not be happier.
I can’t believe it! What did you guys think of the finale? Did they do a good job? Should they have had a serial killer mucking everything up? Talk to me!