Hey, Bones fans. It’s time for another episode that starts with a horrible man who calls his wife the “B” word before he goes to leap off a building, until he sees his future in the form of the corpse below. Here are your Bones top five moments!
Max is Back, and He’s Keeping Secrets
Brennan pitches quite a fit when Max cancels on Christine and is mysterious about the reason. Booth at first tries to calm her down but winds up agreeing Max is up to no good. And Brennan is up for Booth putting a tracking device on him. Is that legal?
No tracking device was needed. Max is picked up for grave-robbing someone named Marvin Barlow who was on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list, and they didn’t know he was dead until Max dug him up. Wait, what? Then how do they know who it is now?
Anyway, Booth got the charges dropped, and when he comes back, Max’s only explanation is that he had to make sure it was Barlow. He won’t say any more, and Brennan has had it. She says Christine is not safe with Max.
But of course, Max’s intentions were good, and in the end he admits to Brennan he was retrieving a ring of hers that she had when she was a little girl. Barlow had snuck into Brennan’s room while she was sleeping and took it off her, to prove to Max he could kill Brennan at any time. And now we know why Max left in the first place..
Christine gets the ring but is denied the history lesson. Perhaps when she’s older.
Wendell is Back! Yay!
He’s still with nurse Andie, and it seems they’re doing well, except that he might have broken her grandmother’s clock. Good thing for him, Hodgins used to take apart all of the clocks in his parents’ home, because it costs five-hundred bucks just to get it open.
But Hodgins opens the back, and a bunch of the parts pop right out. Whoops. Now we know why those jewelers charge the big bucks, don’t we?
Turns out, Hodgins found an identical clock for nine bucks on Craigslist. All they have to do is transfer the inner workings, and VOILA! Problem solved, right? Let’ see!
If you didn’t guess that the clock never worked, and Andie knew, well…yeah, that handwriting was on the wall. It stopped working after her grandpa died, so grandma took it as a sign and never got it fixed. But Andie is totally understanding and says it’s their clock now. She’s a keeper, Wendell.
Corpse of the Week!
If I heard the words bird guano one more time, I was going to toss my cookies. It’s all over the corpse, and I can’t repeat the reason Hodgins gives for why it’s so corrosive. From the clues carpal tunnel and beta blockers, Booth thinks the guy was a sniper.
Guano boy is actually Troy Carter. His brother Jake reported him missing. And he’s not so much a sniper as a golfer. The beta blockers were to steady his hands. Only, hold on to your hats, he wasn’t playing alongside Tiger Woods. His golf involved windmills. Yes, he was obsessed with mini golf. Is there a name for that? And you can make money from this? Where do I sign up? Anyway, he was doing so well, he was thinking of quitting the landscaping business he shared with his brother for the “glamour” of mini golf.
And who does bro think killed Troy? Why those ruthless mini golfers Troy was trouncing. There’s a Mini Masters going on, and competition is fierce. The purse is a whopping two grand. A whole world is opening up for me here.
Unlike regular golf, at Mini Golf Masters people cheer. These don’t look like killers. Well, except for one guy making grunting noises and whacking away at a tiki god. His daughter missed a shot, and anger-management dad tries to make her feel horrible.
Sammy is the owner of the golf course. His blonde hand-model wife, Lori, who’s way out of his league, says Troy was going to be “the next Jack Nicholson of mini golf.”
Then Brennan finds blood and other gooey bits in the tiki hut. Looks like this is where Troy was killed. And Brennan wants the entire hut taken to the lab. Festive!
From the goo, Cam identifies antibodies for hepatitis B and yellow fever.
From Troy’s phone, Angela finds Troy was having steamy text sessions with Darla Simms, who was the daughter of JerkDad. Troy was thirty-six, and Darla is only eighteen. I agree with Angela. CREEPY.
Apparently Troy’s finesse with a putter put Darla in the mood. That’s not a euphemism. She was with Troy when some dude dragged Troy out of the hotel room and stuffed him in his truck. Turns out it was Jake, who was supposedly trying to protect Troy from JerkDad. But Aubrey thinks it was because of the financial hit the landscaping business was taking due to Troy leaving.
Troy has three bullet wounds coming in at different angles that are caused by something scary known as a multiple-impact bullet, that’s like three bullets held together with Kevlar strands all fired at once.
The affable Sammy bought the ammo. The theory is that he wasn’t happy Troy bought a ticket to South Africa to participate in a tournament there. Uh, dead Troy doesn’t make Sammy any more money than South Africa-bound Troy, right? So, this theory doesn’t hold water. I’m backed up by Sammy, who claims he not only knew about the trip but paid for it and was going to go with Troy. This should have been easy to find out with those fancy FBI computers, right?
Solving the Case!
So, they find a nail with some nail polish stuck in one of Troy’s bones. Hmmm…I wonder who that could be…
Yes. Hand-model Lori. Seems when Troy wasn’t sexing up Darla, he was bro-ing out with Sammy. Poor Lori was just a pair of hands that paid the bills. Africa was the final straw. But she’s all about family values, and she believes putting three holes in Troy’s chest to save her marriage, is a valid excuse for self defense, and community service is a good enough punishment. Good luck with that.