BONES Redux: Our Top 5 Moments From “The Big Beef At The Royal Diner”


Hey, Bones fans. Today’s big question: Is it Mickey Mouse or a pelvic girdle? Though Booth would like for Christine to be interested in cartoon characters, she sees her pancake as a part of the anatomy and is excited to be eating the sacrum. Yikes. And we also learn the bones song is highly inaccurate. Here are your Bones Top Five Moments!

The Corpse of the Week
Looks like he had a pancreas and liver transplant. His name is Chili Reuben, and I’m guessing his show Getting Spicy with Chili Reuben might explain why he needed the transplants. His whole show seems based on him going to greasy spoons and scarfing down the biggest, greasiest food on the menu. Obviously he’s Aubrey’s, biggest hero. Also, he’s an excessive sweater. Ew.

Angela and Aubrey go through the tapes as Aubrey fanboys and salivates over a chicken wing stuck in waffle ice cream. I may never eat again.

Brennan would like to compose an anatomically correct bones song. The only problem is rhyming the word lachrymal. She and Booth are at the Royal Diner talking about this as JoAnne the waitress approaches. She helps with the medical rhyming but can’t remember not to put olives in Brennan’s salad. She’s been waitressing for ten years, Booth and Brennan eat at the diner daily, but we’ve never seen her. Frankie, the cook and head honcho, is in a bad mood, so JoAnne goes about the excavation process herself.

And why are we suddenly introduced to the workers of the Royal Diner? Good ol’ Chili had given positive reviews to every food establishment he visited except one. Can you guess? Anyway, as Frankie screams at one of his employees, Booth tells Brennan, while JoAnne is still at the table mind you, that Frankie is a suspect.

Frankie only treats his employees like crap. For B&B, it’s all smiles. Let’s see how long that lasts. The answer is not long at all. He’s hurt from the betrayal after feeding them every day for ten years. EVERY day? Okay, let’s go on. Turns out the only reason Chili didn’t give him a good review is because Frankie wouldn’t fork over three grand.

Frankie says Glen the dish washer might have heard the bribe offer. I don’t want to cast aspersions, but Glen looks like he was let out of jail yesterday. Maybe it’s the knife he’s sharpening. He’s no help. Frankie insists Booth drop the whole thing. Booth refuses and gets some wicked side-eye. The same method you use to browbeat your minions doesn’t work on the FBI, Frankie.

Chili needed the bribes, because he was broke due to M.C. Hammer disease. Look it up, kids. And his charming personality was buoyed by alcohol and crank. When he’d get plastered he’d get in fights and insist on driving. Good riddance, Chili!

JoAnne hooked up with Chili in the back of his nasty Spicemobile with all of the old food on the floor.

JoAnne, I’m losing all kinds of respect for you.

Booth is Still Gambling.
Remember how Booth started gambling at the end of the last episode? Well, it’s continuing to this one, and he’s on a winning streak. I predict this will get a whole lot worse before it gets better.

Booth the FBI agent plays it cool by getting his wife an expensive necklace right before she gives him his sobriety chip she found in the laundry. The man has no poker face at all, considering how good he is at poker, and Brennan gets that “I come from a family of liars” look on her face.

Hodgins’ Invention
There’s been an offer to manufacture the “honeycomb-structured ultra rubber covering” he invented. He gets a buck for every one sold. Great, but I’m thinking they might want to change the name first. Angela’s worried about Cam’s reaction, but as she pointed out, it would be Cam’s fault the Jefferonian will see no money, so OH WELL.

The company projects selling forty million units and give Hodgins a two-million dollar advance. Not bad for a honeycomb whatchamacallit. And all of that worrying over Cam was for naught. She’s thrilled that the bureaucrats got screwed over because they wouldn’t let Hodgins play there.

Arastoo is Fine! Really!
Clark arrives to help out the team. It seems Arastoo has taken to playing the game of Telephone with Clark to let Cam know he’s all right. He’s told her on a number of occasions, but she didn’t believe him, so he sent Clark to reassure her. It doesn’t, but she gets the message that if he’s worrying about her worrying, it isn’t helping his situation.

Then Cam gets an innocuous email from Arastoo she’s convinced is some kind of code that he’s been captured. Clark seems ready to commit her but calms her down anyway.

Maybe Cam will like Brennan’s form of comfort better. When asked if Arastoo didn’t invite her along because of her commitment issues, Brennan talks of Arastoo’s possible jailing and execution and how he might not have wanted Cam to be in danger as well. Oddly enough, this approach worked.

Solving the Case.
Who was the culprit but the boom mike guy, Morton. He was a tad upset that his mother had been on the donor list for two years, meanwhile Chili used his body as a garbage disposal. But it wasn’t intentional. Chili showed up while Morton was taking a bath, drunk and pissed Morton couldn’t score him crank. After Chili falls and hits his head and starts swinging at Morton as if it’s his fault, Morton…held him underwater to shut him up? I’m not familiar with this method of calming people down.

And in the end, the Royal Diner is standing room only, due to the publicity from the case. Frankie is thrilled. He sits B&B and little C at their reserved table, and everyone sings the new bones song that Clark helped Brennan come up with but gets no credit for. I don’t know if I’ll get Booth beat-boxing out of my mind any time soon.

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  • John

    I don’t know about calm, but Chili was much quieter after the underwater treatment.

  • CJ Stevens

    I agree. I am not a Chili fan.