BONES Redux: Our Top 5 Moments From “The Carpals in the Coy-Wolves”

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Hello, BONES fans! The show starts out with the most awesome boy on the planet who can’t wait to get home and watch Fashion Runway. I was hoping his narrow-minded dad would be the corpse of the week, but alas, no. Let’s get started with this week’s Top Five Moments!

Agent Andy is Dead?
Booth is quite distressed to learn that tough Agent Andy has taken a bullet to the sternum and has been killed off in Brennan’s latest manuscript. When they arrive at the scene, Brennan screams about Agent Andy’s death. Can she get in trouble for spoiling the ending of her own book? Cam is upset, while Hodgins would have preferred spoiler tags. Booth manages a few more digs about the corpse of the week’s wife or editor shooting him in the face.

Aubrey tries to commiserate with Booth and insists one person solving crimes on their own is ridiculous, but no! Brennan is adding a new character, a younger, sexier partner. I believe Brennan has just brought out the salt and lemon. Aubrey, always one to pick up on social cues, thinks the new character is based on him.

The New Intern!
Intern Wells is back and lucky us, as Angela says, he’s even douchier than usual. Brennan says she can easily replace him, so yay! She’s bringing in another female intern.

Wells confides the reason for his crankiness to Hodgins. Let’s just say…it could best be cured by the little blue pill.

The new intern is Beth Mayer played by …BETTY WHITE! How awesome! Finally, an intern I adore on sight. Well, okay, I liked Wendell pretty early on, but still. Betty! She invented the computer platform the Angelatron’s graphic simulator is based on. So, yeah, she’s a living legend. And she’s back to being the saucy lady we all know and love.
Even better, Brennan is threatened by her. Seems Mayer is taking a picture of the bones in Limbo (aka, the unresolved cases) and uploading them to the Angelatron, so they have a digital database.

The Corpse of the Week!
His name is Justin Ross, and dang, he was a cutie. He was a real estate agent with Franklin Realtors. To add insult to injury, he was chewed on by coy-wolves, a coyote/wolf hybrid.

A temp, Chris, is supposedly the last person to see Justin alive. Though his reaction to Justin’s death is rather unconventional, and he asks for a do-over, he does provide Aubrey with a good lead. Justin was involved in fantasy football, and it got really heated. Full-on “screaming at the top of your lungs” type threats.

A video went viral of Justin shooting one of his rivals, Craig, with a paintball gun while the guy wore stuffed antlers. And he has the misfortune of saying, “I’m gonna kill you, Justin!” Don’t play fantasy football, kids! If you lose, you could wind up getting publicly humiliated by someone hunting you down with a paintball gun, as well as being a murder suspect!

Craig is a real winner. Ashlie, his wife, sounds like she’s already consulted a divorce attorney. But Craig is too busy trying to snap up Justin’s players to talk to the F.B.I. Craig has a hot tip for Aubrey. Go talk to Lou Divers, an NFL starting running back.

In a world where celebrities now communicate directly with their fans, Lou and Justin got into an intense Twitter war that got so fierce, Lou went and visited Justin right before he got killed.Apparently, Justin threatened Lou’s wife and kids. Gosh, I wish I could say this is a rare occurrence, but it happens every day over minor stuff just like this.

Anyway, they straightened it out in person. Case closed. It seemed Justin was in a much better mood when Lou visited him, what with having the bestest fantasy football team ever.

This is serious business. That team got him fifteen large. Wowza. B&B head off to talk to Wetzel, the fantasy football commissioner, who is in charge of the payout. On the way, they discuss Booths more recent gambling addiction. He admits to the itch, but it doesn’t go beyond that. He acknowledges it and moves on.

Wetzel may be all-powerful in fantasy football, but his boss at Sandwich Hut treats him like a serf. Anyway, he takes his commissioner duties vey, vey seriously and has put the entire pot into Justin’s funeral.

Turns out Justin was trying to get the house of his assistant, Chris, who we met earlier, out of foreclosure. They had a last-minute buyer lined up, but Justin ruined it by missing the meeting. When brought in for questioning, Chris clues the gang in that Justin missed the meeting because of a woman. And that woman is? Ashlie, Craig’s wife.
She blames it on Craig and his man cave and his fantasy football. And after meeting Craig, I can’t say I blame her. Ashlie let it slip to him she was having an affair with Justin. Somehow Ashlie is just now figuring out that when the man she’s having an affair with dies right after she tells her husband about it, that he could be guilty. You need to be a little quicker on the draw there, Ash.

When they visit Craig, he fights off Aubrey (but not Booth, he’s not that stupid), so he can make a trade. He’s spitting mad they stopped him but confesses that he went to confront Justin. However, instead of beating him up or killing Justin, he just wanted one of Justin’s players, Aaron Rodgers, as quarterback. In trade for the man sleeping with his wife. Craig: Husband of the Year. But they couldn’t, because the commissioner said it was collusion. Craig gets taken away in handcuffs.

But wait! The coy-wolf poo had cured meat in it, and the murder weapon was two-pronged. Now where…

Oh, hello Commissioner Wetzel who didn’t approve that Aaron Rodgers trade. Justin, who wanted Wetzel fired as commish, came to confront Wetzel at the sandwich shop. Wetzel killed him with a meat holder, dumped him in the woods, and covered him in ham as coy-wolf bait.

Justin, maybe in your next life, you’ll treat people better and won’t wind up in a forest covered in ham.

Hodgins Gets Tranquilized!
Hodgins volunteers himself to go into the woods and retrieve the coy-wolves with Justin’s bones in their tummies. Dr. Mayer suggests Wells go with Hodgins, what with nature being good for Mr. Happy. Please, let us not speak of Wells’s happy place ever again.

But when they get there, they realize they are looking for poo, not wolves, and when they go to take off the guns, Wells “accidentally” shoots Hodgins.

But Wells gets his groove back by taking off his shirt, wrapping it around his head, and howling like a wolf. Also, Angela is wrong. When he returns, he’s way, WAY douchier.

But the best part is that after Wells insists Hodgins overreacted, Hodgins shoots him with a dart. I do hope it takes away his mojo again.

Brennan Asks for Advice!
Brennan sits down with Mayer to apologize for her jealousy getting in the way of seeking her sage advice. She decides to make up for it by sitting down with Mayer and asking her advice on the Agent Andy situation, explaining that Booth thinks Brennan was working out her anger with him for quitting the F.B.I.

But Brennan says when she wrote the book, they were both taking time off, and it was a time of utter peace and quiet. Mayer, ever astute, homes in on the peace and quiet thing. She says gals like them can’t take peace and quiet. They need to be challenged.

She’d witnessed B&B bickering and says creates heat. Peace and quiet=no heat=boring=killing characters. In the end, Booth is arguing for the death of Agent Andy, while Brennan argues against it. Knowledge of sternum injuries versus knowledge of gunshot wounds. Who will win? We don’t know, because Booth shoots Brennan with the sink hose, effectively ending the argument. I don’t know if that was planned, but they looked like they were having a good time.

So, that’s it, folks. Here’s hoping Wells stays away for a good, long time. And Agent Andy doesn’t die.

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  • John

    My favorite part of the show was Bones being nervous around Betty White. I would have preferred her asking something about forensic anthropology, instead of her books.

    Thanks for the review.

  • CJ Stevens

    Thanks, John!

    Yeah, well, I was just happy to see Betty and how they made her so smart and sharp and someone they could look up to. It’s refreshing to see people of an older generation revered.

    I love me some Betty.