BONES Fall Finale Recap: “The Cowboy in the Contest” and “The Doom in the Boom”

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Hey, Bones fans. Get ready for a two-hour extravaganza!

It’s anybody’s guess when Bones will be back, but here is your fall finale.

The show doesn’t start off in the B&B homestead but with Cam and Sebastain Kohl. He’s wearing her robe, if you know what I mean.

With this being the two hour fall finale, I’m going to break with the formula and just give the show the breathing room it deserves.

Now, on with my recap!

Cam and Sebastian
It does not bode well for Cam and her fears, when Sebastian says he wants to see her later, and she looks like he told her he ran over her cat. And even more so, when Sebastian leaves some stuff on Angela’s doorstep, and Angela figures out that “in the area” meant “Cam’s area” and Cam is quick to point out IT MEANS NOTHING.
Oh, Cam. You’re not a teenager. The man is gorgeous, successful, sweet, kind, and has an English accent. Seriously, get with the program.

Sigh, but no. I’m still unclear what her problem is. This charming man wants to take her for a walk around a reflecting pool, and she looks like he just asked her for one of her kidneys. Apparently “a walk” is not under the label “fun” and more under “I’m in a relationship with a kind, generous, wonderful man” so who wants THAT, am I right?

Daisy, of all people, overheard their conversation and offers a little advice about how to deal after a “loss” which…okay. Anyway, the advice is good, and that’s basically if Cam doesn’t open up soon, she’ll shrink a little inside. I’m just glad someone had the guts to tell her what a fickle teenager she’s being.
And in the end she takes that walk with him, so YAY DAISY!

Booth and the Motorcycle
As Booth drives Brennan to the body site, she discovers brochures for a motorcycle. Hmmm…someone is having a certain kind of crisis that used to involve Corvettes. His cries of, “Helmet” do not go over well with the lady who is an expert on bones and how they can be broken.

Angela suggests to Brennan that Booth’s jet ski and motorcycle brochures might have something to do with him needing excitement, what with nobody shooting at him right this second.

And in the end Brennan gets him a bicycle with a helmet. It’s no surprise Booth is disappointed, and it winds up being a gift for Brennan herself.

The Corpse of the Week
Stanley Belridge. He’s an accountant, but everything about him screams Cowboy.

So, Stanley was at a place called Frontier Games, which is a weekend-long role-playing old-west style shooting competition. Too bad Ichabod isn’t there to weigh in on this. The grounds where it takes place is owned by Francine and Luke Nichols. “Slow Burn” Stanley won, and it’s a ten-thousand dollar prize. Makes you want to learn how to shoot vintage guns. Anyway, Stanley died at the LAST competition, which takes place monthly, and as good luck would have it, guess what’s taking place the very next weekend? Yep. And faster than you can say, “Undercover assignment,” Booth wants to go with Wanda and put on their best cowboy/girl gear. Aubrey wants to “hit the trails” with B&B, and he’s got the guitar skills to prove it, but he’s turned down flat.

Brennan can’t go, so Booth volunteers to mosey over there on his own and play cowboy. After hearing about the motorcycle, Angela suggests Brennan go, since they can both use a little fun.

You can refer to Booth from here on out as Big River Buck. He’s surprised to see Brennan shows up and tips her hat to him. Marshal Glen Gold Dust takes time out of his busy day to introduce himself to Brennan’s chest. Or I should say, Wild Card Wanda, fastest draw in all of Bony Ridge.

While Brennan is thrilled with herself for being spontaneous and exciting, Big River Buck is not pleased with them being supposed strangers. They’re introduced to Sweet Rose Sadie, Railroad Heiress, and Kentucky Loco Beau, Red Herring number one, who we immediately find out got to see his kids this month after managing to put a little money together to pay off the child support he owed.

After seeing what a crack shot Wanda is, Marshal asks her to accompany him to the barbeque right in front of Booth.

Stanley’s car is found near the bus stop with all of his guns and stuff inside, including that big check, so no robbery motive. B&B find the murder site and manage to catch Francine skittering away looking all kinds of guilty.

But, surprise, surprise, Francine was just running off to sneak a smoke with Beau, and Booth says they’re innocent. Also, Stanley had been smoking like a chimney while he was there, because he had something stressing him out.

After Stanley was killed, a bunch of documents were deleted from his hard drive by his boss. Turns out they were his boss’s files, because the boss was finishing a book, and Stanley was doing his work for him in exchange for being recommended for a promotion. The files were for Clementine Construction, but the person who owns it doesn’t exist, which means it’s a front. And who is their one client? Frontier Games. Aubrey finds an excuse to go there…wearing a poncho.

But before he can arrive, Wanda and Buck solve the case. Whoever punched Stanley had turpentine on his hands, and Luke painted all of the paintings at FG. Also, his favorite song is My Darling Clementine. But before they can go and arrest him, Marshal punches Booth when he sees Wanda kissing Buck, and if that little doughy guy thinks he can take Buck, he’s in for a rude awakening. Buck slings Marshall across the bar, and this gets everyone involved. Before you know it, it’s a full-on bar brawl. Then Aubrey and his poncho show up to help out, but before it can really get going, Luke tries to break it up and disqualify Buck and Marshal. Only Booth comes out with his badge and arrests Luke. Also, Marshal is dismayed to find out Brennan is the mother of Booth’s children.

But it’s totally not him, right? Of course, not. Was he embezzling? Yes. But he’s not a murderer. Brennan figured out that Stanley was swung over the back of a horse, and the impact of the stirrup on his skull gave him a bunch of repetitive fractures. The horse is Francine’s, but she has a hip injury, so guess who the horse rider was? Sadie. She tied Stanley to the saddle and rode his body out to the park after she’d shot and killed him. She was having an affair with Luke, and the money he embezzled was to give Sadie the money for a ranch and a horse of her own. She killed Stanley because he knew.

Hodgins and Angela
When Angela tells Hodgins they have Hank and Christine for the weekend, Hodgins seems a little worried that Hank doesn’t sleep through the night, and Angela kind of hints he might need practice. Then because Daisy is working through the weekend, they’re also watching Lance, Jr. Angela looks thrilled, while Hodgins looks like he wants to throw up.

Angela is all “Big family” and Hodgins is all “EEP!” He’s not ready. Maybe it’s because Christine found Michael Vincent’s stash of face paint and used it on them.

PART TWO:

Delayed Reaction
While Booth, Brennan, and Angela enjoy date night at the B&B homestead, Aubrey, Hodgins, and Cam go out to the dead body. Angela is still talking about how Hodgins doesn’t want any more kids, and is worried Michael Vincent will be lonely. Hey, you guys! Being an only child is awesome! I should know.

So, I was wondering over this contrivance until a phone rings from the dead man’s pocket, and even I can tell it’s some sort of explosive device, while Hodgins just crouches there holding the wire like, “Well, this is strange.” At least Aubrey is on the ball and tells everyone to clear. But even then, it doesn’t look like Hodgins moves. Dude, what are you smoking that your reflexes are that slow?

Anyway, Aubrey, in an extreme act of bravery, jumps on top of Hodgins to protect him. And there they lay, motionless. This is a nice way to begin the possibly final episode. Because of Aubrey, Hodgins got out of it with a limp, but Aubrey is rushed to surgery. Also, four cops died.

And Brennan somehow finds a way to bring this back to Booth and his gambling addiction. Like, oh no, if Aubrey dies, he might react like he did when Sweets died and start gambling again. Ooookay? So, Booth reassures her that he doesn’t blame himself for this one. As Brennan kind of hints at, we’ll see how long that lasts. Booth has a tendency to blame himself for everything.

But if you think they’re going to kill Surly Sweets so soon after Sweets, original recipe, I have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn.

Of course he doesn’t die, and he awakes to find Hodgins and Caroline standing over him watching him sleep. They inform him Jessica was also there watching him sleep and that seven pieces of shrapnel were pulled from his back. YIKES.

Arastoo Returns
Are you KIDDING me with this? Seriously? I don’t even know what to say. But he’s there for all the right reasons and wants to help out. Cam is all, “Yeah, I’m fine. Buh bye!” But Brennan never called in an intern, and Arastoo is more than happy to be her consultant.

Sorry, Cam.

He immediately finds the victim had an artificial knee, and that convenient serial number should help identify him. This has never been done before on any show, ever.

And why Hodgins thought it was a good idea to point out the obvious awkwardness directly to Cam, will remain a mystery to me. She has MYOB on speed dial.

Brennan talks with Arastoo, and he informs her he has no new job and things have been tough for him since he left. She offers to find him a job, but he declines. Hmmm…

Also, Hodgins, who is the blabbiest blabber to ever blab, winds up spilling to him about Sebastian. That’s just the kind of thing that makes Cam really happy.

It should surprise nobody that Arastoo was lying about having no job prospects. A Berlin facility has been courting him. But he hasn’t taken it because…damn you, Arastoo!…he says he loves Cam and he should have never left.

Yes, but you did, and she met a great guy, so no take backsies! She just got over you!

Corpse of the Week
It’s a cop named Thomas Gallo. So, yeah, an exploding cop used to kill other cops. Caroline to the rescue! As long as she’s not pulling that stuff she did last episode, I’m happy to see her.

She all of a sudden knows a new charac—I mean, a behavioral analyst at the BRIU who specializes in just this kind of case. Too bad she wasn’t around when a certain omniscient nemesis was floating around, whose name will not be mentioned!

So, flying in the face of every behavioral analysts cliché, Leslie Green (Sara Rue) is a breath of fresh air in this downer episode. She’s quirky and flighty. But she’s mighty proud of herself to share the knowledge that the killer has done this before, since killing a cop isn’t easy, and that Gallo was targeted for a specific reason. Booth is unimpressed and dismissive, since he already knew this.

Gallo’s boss thinks it’s a gang. It’s not a gang. But Booth is pissed to find out they’ve been investigating Gallo’s disappearance without notifying anyone and steps on the boss’s toes a bit. And by “a bit” I mean slams his foot down really hard.

Of course, it was an unsophisticated pipe bomb in the dude’s chest, not consistent with something this gang would have done. Surprise!

Leslie barges in to an interrogation Booth is having with the Red Herring, a creepazoid with a police scanner who shows up to film dead bodies and sell the pics to news organizations. He drives an orange Mustang, spotted at the site of the actual murder and the dump site. Way to be unobtrusive with that car, dude. He claims he was at both, because he heard about the shooting and of the body being found, which is true, of course.

Aubrey calls Leslie Clarice Starling, except she’s totally not. And if they’re trying to show she’s competent at her job, they’re failing miserably. They come to her with two suspects, both of whom she thinks are viable options, even though they both aren’t the killer. She just seems to parrot what she’s told.

But once she tells Booth and Aubrey about how it’s not cops but authority figures the killer has a problem with, Booth steps up to go on TV and paint himself as the authority on the case, because like I said earlier, he gets a little antsy when there’s nobody shooting at him.. But good news! As Caroline says, Aubrey does something “severely shaded in stupid” when he beats Booth to the punch. There’s Aubrey, on the TV, talking…like himself during an interrogation and brags that a little bit of shrapnel isn’t going to stop him, and he’s the authority.

Oy.

Then Booth hilariously reads Aubrey the riot act and says, “That’s not how we do things around here.”

But Aubrey isn’t given a chance to be a target. They’ve figured out Gallo was hit with a skateboard, and the kids who “found” him were skateboarders.

One of the kids is named Alex, and his mom wins mother of the year, because he and his friend are making a pipe bomb in his room when Booth and the gang arrives. Alex tries to go for the gun underneath his pillow, but at least this episode isn’t so dark, they had Booth kill a kid.

Leslie diagnoses little Alex as psychopathic. His dad was a cop, and he took out his job frustrations on Alex. Caroline will make sure the kids don’t get the notoriety they so desperately want. Good luck with that, Caroline. Not in this day and age.

Hodgins and Angela, Part Two
Okay, between Angela foreshadowing early in the show how she and Hodgins are “always the lucky ones,” Hodgins pounding aspirin for his aching back, and him coming to Angela to say he’s ready to have more kids, I’m waiting for that shoe to drop. This is the downer episode, after all.

And, yeah…just as Arastoo is pressuring Cam to make a decision about their relationship, there’s a thud, and Angela screams. When they get there, Hodgins is lying on the floor looking catatonic. So, to break it down, the doctor at the hospital informs them that Hodgins suffered localized trauma during the blast, but the swelling around his spinal cord didn’t peak until twenty-four to forty-eight hours later. Since no doctors from the hospital or any of the doctors he works with, said not to take aspirin just in case he had a spinal cord injury, he’d been popping them like candy. This made his blood thin, which resulted in an epidural hematoma that’s compressing his spine. Bottom line: Hodgins is paralyzed.

That’s it! I need to go watch something upbeat now. No way this show is at its end with that many cliffhangers. Here’s hoping I see you next year

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