Good News: In an exclusive interview with Michael Ausiello, J.J. Abrams promises that FOX has been insanely supportive of FRINGE despite the show’s lackluster ratings. Bad News: “Insanely supportive” does not include moving FRINGE out of the most competitive timeslot in television. [Source]

Good News: This just in, ABC has freed up some desperately needed space on our PVR/DVR. Bad News: After confirming their decision to not pick-up EASTWICK for a back-nine, essentially canceling the first-year series. [Source]

Sara Rue.
Sure, at first I was annoyed that she isn’t one of the leads, but as second-banana/gal pal Penny, her bubbly personality shines far more than it probably would as one of the witchy women.

Magic is sexy.
Paul Gross. Matt Dallas. Jon Bernthal. Johann Urb. Jack Huston. Hello, Hunkapalooza. And of course, the ladies are well-represented thanks to Jaime Ray Newman, Lindsay Price, Rebecca Romijn, Ashley Benson and the aforementioned Rue.

It’s everything you love.
Take the humour of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, the former set of GILMORE GIRLS, a dash of mystery, a touch of mythology and the romantic entanglements of GREY’S ANATOMY, and you have one tasty concoction… in a bubbling cauldron.

They keep it simple.
Although there is a continuing story bubbling just beneath the surface, this ain’t rocket science. Jumping in late won’t be a problem for most viewers. (And those who have story questions can send them our way, we’ll gladly answer. Anything for the cause!)

To defeat Leno
Do you really want scripted television to vanish from the airwaves? At this point, NBC has given up 1/3 of its primetime sked to Leno’s show — and that’s not even including the hours handed off to reality fare such as THE BIGGEST LOSER. And anyone who takes the “Well, there’s always cable” view hasn’t been paying attention to Bravo, aka home of the “real” HOUSEWIVES.

Did GOSSIP GIRL really expect us be buy those studious students?
We totally buy that college students would opt to watch Vanessa’s documentary over attending Blair’s cocktail party. Not. Sorry, but no matter how annoying the hostess, the first rule of college is “free booze is free booze.”
 

Was there a light shining directly in Wentworth Miller’s eyes for the entire duration of the LAW & ORDER: SVU season premiere?
That’s the only way to explain the fact that he squinted through the entire episode. If PRISON was his BREAKout performance, this one might have shown that he’s a one-hit wonder.
 
How long can actors really be expected to remain in high school?
THE VAMPIRE DIARES alone features both Paul Wesley (who, as Paul Wasilewski, was playing a teen on GUIDING LIGHT back in 1999) and Kayla Ewell (who was a FREAKS & GEEKS high schooler in 2000). That’s a long time for even the slowest of slow students to be held back!

 
Does EASTWICK seem determined to bewitch female viewers with a plethora of hunky eye candy?
That’s a rhetorical question, kids. Between Matt Dallas (KYLE XY), Jon Bernthal (THE CLASS), Johann Urb (DIRT), Christian Alexander (GENERAL HOSPITAL) and Paul Gross (DUE SOUTH), EASTWICK easily wins the title “sexiest show on television.”
 
Has DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES gone to the same well once too often?
The Applewhites. The Mayfairs. Orson Hodge. Dave Williams. And now, the Bolen family with the brooding son, the brutish dad and the literally-scarred mom. Here’s hoping the show doesn’t try to drag the “who attacked Julie”/new family mystery out for the entire season, but if history has taught us anything, it’s that this show hasn’t ever learned from the mistakes of its own past.

Question: Which show made better use of yours (okay, our) iTunes collection? Cameron’s over-the-top presentation of adoptive baby Lily to his ‘Modern Family’ with a little help from The Lion King’s “Circle of Life” or Kurt’s GLEE-ful game-winning field goal to the tune of Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies?’

And speaking of ‘Sophie’s Choice,’ can Congress not put aside the whole pesky health-care thing and get their act together crafting a bill that really matters. You know, like the one that we’d like to propose, banning networks (Yes, we’re talking to you ABC and FOX) from putting their two strongest offerings (MODERN FAMILY and GLEE) on the same night at the exact time. I mean seriously, WTF?! (Which we learned yesterday thanks to our new favorite clueless hipster dad Phil (MODERN FAMILY’s Ty Burrell) means, “Why the Face?!”)

Having not had the chance to check in with MERCY yet, now’s your chance to be the critic. Was it as the promos would have us believe, GREY’S ANATOMY with nurses. Or should it mercifully be put down, having arrived D.O.A?

And finally, have you pieced together which fictional small Connecticut town EASTWICK takes place in? (Hint: The town square’s magical water-fountain is your first clue.)

You’re probably going to hear a lot about how this fall is the year of the comedy: of all the fall pilots, comedies are heading the pack in terms of buzz and praise. And ABC, who’s been a stranger to a hit sitcom for quite awhile now, is betting on a full-on Wednesday night blitzkrieg, scheduling five new shows back to back without any ratings support from an established hit. It’s the kind of high risk, big rewards gambling that seems so relevant given the…state of broadcast sitcoms.

Too bad the Alphabet Network’s opening salvo threatens to ruin the whole thing: HANK (debuting next Wednesday September 30 at 8PM), where Kelsey Grammer plays his umpteenth iteration of a blow-hard, seems so out of touch (with the national sentiment, what’s funny, what’s stupid, you name it), you’d be tempted to give up with it and just call the whole thing off.

The premise – Grammer’s title character moves his family back to Virginia after he’s booted from his own company and loses his fortune – seems only topical for the sake of mockery. How could a recession-weary viewer ever relate (or laugh) to Hank as he walks into his new, disheveled house (complete with broke-down stovetop sitting in the middle of the entry way), and spouts, “This is exactly what we needed!” No, it isn’t.

Instead of suffering through HANK, I suggest you start your Wednesdays with Julia-Louis Dreyfus on THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE. After which flip back to Patricia Heaton and THE MIDDLE (debuting next Wednesday September 30 at 8:30PM), where the former EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND star does furrowed-browed and frazzled mother hen much better than Ray Ramano’s wife ever did.

As Frankie Heck, she’s a saleswoman in her town’s last remaining car dealership, where she considers herself “a matchmaker people and vehicles,” but can’t seem to sell any. Heaton is great, and the rapport between her and Neil Flynn (SCRUB’s Janitor, beguiling out his Sacred Heart garb) as her husband is refreshingly genuine, their relationship rife with sarcasm and understanding.

The kids are generic (the disinterested teen, the untalented sister), save for the wunderkind youngest Brick (Atticus Shaffer), who’s got nasally timing down at a young age. Besides somewhat pointed Midwestern riffing, the only real worry is wondering just how far it go to make Frankie exasperated without making it cartoonish or over-the-top.

The main and best draw of the night is MODERN FAMILY (debuting tonight at 9PM), which has, hands-down, the best pilot of the fall. And if you somehow don’t already know the twist ending of tonight’s premiere, then skip (ABC told critics not to spoil, then went ahead and did it anyways in promotional ads).

As one, big extended family, you couldn’t ask for one any better (or funnier) than this: Claire (Julie Bowen) and Phil (Burrell) are the traditional family with three raucous kids; Phil (MARRIED…WITH CHILDREN’s Ed O’Neill) and Gloria (Sofia Vergara) are the May-December relationship turned second marriage, complete with sensitive 11-year-old Manny (Rico Rodriguez); and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) are a gay couple who just adopted their daughter from Vietnam.

It manages to juggle three unique story lines for each family, but also cohesively brings them together, criss-crossing comedic styles for greater effect. The performances are all top tier, especially Ty Burrell as the helplessly awkward Phil, the father who so desperately wants to be hip for his kids, he creates even greater divide between them.

MODERN FAMILY (at least from this pilot, which is all anyone has seen thus far) is, in short, hilarious, because it doesn’t for a second take for granted all the nuances that make being family a comical experience.

And if you choose to not change the channel afterwards, you’ll either find COUGAR TOWN (debuting tonight at 9:30PM), created by SCRUBS’ own Bill Lawrence and starring Courteney Cox as a 40-something divorcee Jules, endearingly funny, or just plain repugnant. I am of the former, though I wasn’t expecting at all to be so.

As the title would imply, it is indeed about Jules getting back into the dating game (the title also makes reference to a high school football team), and it’s a downright raunchy affair. This isn’t The Hangover by any means, but the pilot ranges from “You are hotter than balls!” to implied fellatio – sex-crazed would be putting it lightly.

For all its salaciousness it ends up being funny in the same inappropriate way SCRUBS is and Courteney Cox seems willing and game to go for it, modifying her performance to resemble an older, friskier Monica from FRIENDS. But it isn’t all innuendo and double entendres, beneath it is a charming mother-son relationship headed by Cox and Dan Byrd (ALIENS IN AMERICA), who plays her son with the driest delivery.

EASTWICK (debuting tonight at 10PM) is the only new show in ABC’s Wednesday night lineup that is not a half-hour, straight-up comedy. And yes, that’s EASTWICK as in Witches of – I don’t think John Updike intended any of the characters from any of his novels to be played by Rebecca Romijn, but then again I never knew the guy.

Set in a coastal town (so everybody knows everybody, duh), three women all in need (of sex and fortune, backbone and courage, love and care) are granted their wishes after mysterious coins fall from the sky. After making a wish together in the town fountain, the women in question are imbued with magical powers and become fast friends.

Their wish fulfillment calls forth the mysterious Darryl Van Horne (the perfectly devilish Paul Gross), who swoops into town, buying up real estate and making his mark among the trio. Story of (literal) female empowerment? Not so much. It’s more like SEX AND THE CHARMED LIPSTICK, because when these women raise their martini glasses, you know Carrie and co. would have done (and said it) better. So if comes between this middling drama and an early bedtime, hit the hay.

Hank: D+; The Middle: B; Modern Family: A-; Cougar Town: B+; Eastwick: C-

4:41PM: The EASTWICK promotional reel is using the TRUE BLOOD ‘Bad Things’ theme for their clip package. Not cool ABC, not cool at all.

4:43PM: Luckily for Rebecca Romijn, husband Jerry O’Connell is currently in Hollywood pergatude courtesy of the train-wreck that was his short-lived FOX ‘comedy’ DO NOT DISTURB taking some time off to take care of the twins she gave birth to mere weeks before shooting the pilot.

4:46PM: In response to a reporter calling EASTWICK “DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES with Magic,” executive producer Maggie Friedman responds, “Not at all.” Which we’re gonna have to agree with. After-all, Wisteria Lane featured four lovely leading ladies, whereas EASTWICK only features three. See, totally different.

4:48PM: Unlike the movie, which was very much a product of its time (that time being the 80′s), Friedman promises that EASTWICK is contemporary, where three ordinary women are dealing with being given extraordinary powers based on their life’s journey. Quick, somebody call Tim Kring’s lawyer, line one!

4:50PM: Fun Fact: If the show’s town looks familiar, it should. It was previously home to GILMORE GIRLS’ Stars Hollow…. moment of silence.

4:51PM: Cast members get asked the dreaded question HEROES stars undoubtedly still have nightmares about. What it’s like to have powers.

4:52PM: Scoop! Sara Rue’s supporting player Penny, also known as the only character to not exhibit powers in the pilot — may in fact do so in the future.

4:54PM: “The theme in season one is empowerment, discovering who these women are and learning to embrace and control their powers,” reveals Friedman, who adds when asked about where the show fits within the world’s created in both the book and the film, “We sort of wink at the fact that Darryl [Paul Gross] may have been in EASTWICK twenty years ago and Cybil Sheppard, who was a witch in the 80′s will be making an appearance in multiple episodes.”

4:59PM: Sign you know actress Lindsay Price is the nerdy character: She wears glasses and has a bun! Which suits the actress just fine, who claims that playing Joanna Frankel is more herself than any character she’s ever played.

5:01PM: Similarly to Price’s character, Romijn calls Roxie the closest character to her real-life persona, revealing that it’s “nice to play a woman again after all the Trannies and mutants!”

You’ve read his take on the most promising fall shows and least promising ones. Now, in what we promise is our final look back at the Network’s UpFront offerings comes our very own Ken Tucker in-training Aleks Chan, with a look at the shows that fall somewhere in-between.

ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE (CBS)
After the horridly ill-conceived COURTING ALEX, Jenna Elfman returns to the small screen as Billie, a San Francisco film critic who hooks up with a younger guy and – surprise – gets pregnant. Pregnancy as a premise hasn’t always worked, and the clips don’t really provide much hope that AOP will be any different, but Elfman is one deft comedienne, so if anything, it’ll be tolerable. 

EASTWICK (ABC)
Also known as Charmed Lipstick Housewives and the City. Based on the John Updike novel about three women (Lindsay Price, Rebecca Romijn, and Jamie Ray Newman) who are imbued with magical powers, it looks as tawdry and superfluous as I remember CHARMED ever was – not that there’s anything wrong with that.  

FLASH FORWARD (ABC)
Everyone in the world blacks out at the exact same time and for the same duration, during which they see a few minutes into their futures. The preview opened with a “From the network that brought you LOST,” which only prompted the following afterwards: this is going to be convoluted, tricky show, and if they don’t do it right, will be painful to traverse.  

THE GOOD WIFE (CBS)
Julianna Margulies plays victimized really well, so it should suit her well in this drama where she plays the wife of a politician (Chris Noth, very much channeling Mr. Big) who takes after Eliot Spitzer, forcing her to return to her work as a lawyer after taking 13 years off. As long as they don’t fall into a procedural trap, could be a rich piece of drama.  

HUMAN TARGET (FOX)
Mark Valley stars in this adaptation of the DC Comic, about a private investigator/bodyguard who works by impersonating people close to his clients. A lot of explosions and running around in the trailer – could be campy fun as long as it keeps itself from going too far over the top.  

MERCY (NBC) 
It’s the GREY’S ANATOMY spin-off nobody asked for: a hospital drama about “feisty” and “complicated” nurses who can save others, but can barely save themselves. The cast (which includes newcomer Taylor Schilling, MEN IN TREES’ James Tupper and GOSSIP GIRL’s Michelle Trachtenberg) could save it from being utterly insufferable.  

NCIS: LOS ANGELES (CBS)
The first of what I expect to be many spin-offs of the popular procedural that everyone seems to be watching but not talking about. The backdoor pilot already aired a few weeks back on NCIS, and looks to be about the same: the cast (which includes Chris O’Donnell and LL Cool J) is perfectly capable, the stories nice and easy, and the tensions is about as tight as seatbelt – comfortable. It’s perfectly harmless TV. That’s either good or bad, depending on how old you are.  

PARENTHOOD (NBC) 
Based on the 1989 Ron Howard film starring Steve Martin and Dianne Wiest, it sounds exactly like what it’s about, and marks NBC’s second attempt to launch this series, its previous foray having been swiftly cancelled in 1990 (but coincidentally starred a then unknown Leo DiCaprio). This one looks more promising (and stars Peter Krause and Maura Tierney), if a bit of a BROTHERS & SISTERS knockoff.  

SONS OF TUCSON (FOX)
Tyler Labine (REAPER) plays oafish sporting goods store employee Ron Snuffkin, who is hired by three boys to play their father after their own is sent to jail. Also reminds me of MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE (appropriately seeing how MITM’s Todd Holland directed the pilot), it will be entirely up to Labine, who’s shown his comedic chops before, to keep interest from waning.

THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE (THE CW)
I don’t why the CW didn’t just call it a MODELS INC. remake, because it’s essentially what THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE is: Pretty young models livin’ really hard, really expensive lives, except this time in New York.

THE CLEVELAND SHOW (FOX)
FAMILY GUY’s brand of irreverent, arbitrary, largely childish humor looks as if it will serve this spin-off well. Starring the otherwise harmless second banana Cleveland Brown, it follows him and his son as they start their new life with their new family. Just like FG, you’ll laugh, but it will probably be twice as empty.

THE DEEP END
According to the official ABC description: Sterling Law is one of L.A.’s most prestigious law firms. Each year it recruits four new young lawyers from the finest law schools worldwide. It will nurture, guide and shape these recruits into the best damned lawyers they can possibly be — or else.

According to this TV Addict: It’s GREY’S ANATOMY meets L.A. LAW. Which is something we’d usually be far more critical of, except for the fact that these lawyers include JACK & BOBBY’S Matt Long! VERONICA MARS’ Tina Majorino! TITANIC’s Billy Zane! And Broadway’s Norbert Leo Butz! (TV Addict note: Gratuitous use of exclamation marks denotes our off-the-charts level of excitement for this series)

COUGAR TOWN
According to the official ABC description: Co-executive produced by Courteney Cox and Bill Lawrence (SCRUBS), COUGAR TOWN is the single-camera comedy that dares to tell the truth about dating after divorce. Juggling a teenage son with her thriving career and budding love life isn’t easy, but before you know it, Jules will have you cheering, “Go Cougars!” 

According to the TV Addict: While we’re certainly not cheering for this cliché-ridden preview, we are willing to give any Bill Lawrence show the old college. Especially one that features an ex-FRIEND (Cox) and ALIENS IN AMERICA alum Dan Byrd in starring roles.

FLASH FORWARD
According to the official ABC description: A mysterious global event causes everyone to black out simultaneously for two minutes and seventeen seconds, and each person sees a glimpse of their lives six months from now. When they wake up, everyone is left wondering if what they saw will actually happen. 

According to this TV Addict: While creators David Goyer (THE DARK KNIGHT) and Brandon Braga (STAR TREK, 24) certainly have the proven track-record to make this high concept serialized drama work, this TV Addict can’t help but feel that ABC should have pressed pause on what will surely be a mythology-laden show until LOST ends its run next season.

HANK
According to the official ABC description: Sometimes scaling back is the best way to get ahead. Wall Street legend Hank Pryor (Kelsey Grammer) and his wife Tilly have been living the high life in New York City. That is until Hank is forced out of his CEO job and has to move his family back home to the small town of River Bend.

According to this TV Addict:  If Kelsey Grammer insists on playing yet another variation of his now iconic FRASIER character, the least he could do is bring co-stars David Hyde Pierce, Jane Leeves, Peri Gilpin and John Mahoney to up the LPM [Laughs per minute].

HAPPY TOWN
According to the official ABC description: From the executive producers of OCTOBER ROAD and LIFE ON MARS, comes the enthralling new drama, HAPPY TOWN. In the sleepy little hamlet of Haplin, Minnesota, not all secrets have been put to rest. 

According to this TV Addict: It’s what OCTOBER ROAD might have looked like if Physical Phil turned out to be a crazed killer. Color us intrigued.

THE MIDDLE
According to the official ABC description: Forget about athletes, movie stars and politicians. Parents are the real heroes — but Frankie Heck (Patricia Heaton), well she’s some kind of superhero. A loving wife and mother of three, she’s middle class in the middle of the country and is rapidly approaching middle age. 

According to this TV Addict: Patricia Heaton is no Jane Kaczmarek and if you’re asking us to choose between MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE retreads, our vote, with apologies to SCRUBS’ Janitor (Neil Flynn) goes to FOX’s SONS OF TUCSON.

EASTWICK
According to the official ABC description: Single-handedly, housewives accomplish astonishing things… and together, watch out. In the seaside village of Eastwick, this might just be evidence of their inner-witch rising to the surface. 

According to this TV Addict: Desperate Housewitches, really? Is it too late to bring back LIPSTICK JUNGLE?

V
According to the official ABC description: Today, the world woke up to find spaceships over every major city. The Visitors claim to have come in peace, bringing gifts of medical miracles and technological breakthroughs. They promise to do no harm. They’re lying.

According to this TV Addict: Professionalism be damned… OMG! OMG! OMG!

THE FORGOTTEN (Check back soon for a preview)
According to the official ABC description: Gone but not forgotten. That’s what they say. But what if a killer took your life — and your name? Every city has its share of unidentified murder victims. When standard police procedure fails to give them a name, that’s when the Identity Network steps in. 

According to this TV Addict: THE FORGOTTEN gets are pick for the fall’s most accurately titled show as come November, forgotten is exactly what this generic Jerry Bruckheimer procedural will be.

MODERN FAMILY (Check back soon for a preview)
According to the official ABC description: When the Pritchett, Delgado and Dunphy families agree to be interviewed by a documentary crew, they have no idea just how much they’re about to reveal about themselves. Jay Pritchett met the stunning Colombian Gloria when she bartended in a bikini at the pool party he threw for himself the day his wife left him.

Now Jay and Gloria are married and Jay tries hard to keep up with his much younger and hotter wife and her passionate teenage son, Manny. Claire Delgado is having a hard time raising her own family. Her husband Phil is great, except for the fact that he thinks he’s “down” with their teenage kids, much to their embarrassment. Mitchell Dunphy and his enthusiastic partner Cameron have just adopted Lily, a precious little baby girl from Vietnam. This engaging new comedy offers a ‘mockumentary’ view into the complicated, messy, loving life of three unique families.

According to this TV Addict: Although we have yet to see the official trailer for MODERN FAMILY, we’re finding very little not to love about THE OFFICE: Family edition.