Nearly sixteen years ago, an ambitious blonde bombshell turned an apartment complex upside-down — and in doing so, upped the drama, excitement and most importantly of all ratings — for the struggling, often tedious soap that was the first season of the original MELROSE PLACE.

This Tuesday, the CW is hoping praying that lightening will strike twice when Heather Locklear — who Aaron Spelling once famously referred to as his “lucky penny” — returns once again. First look video of which, complete with our own editorial commentary in brackets, can be found after the jump.

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Caleb: Amanda, I thought you weren’t visiting for another two weeks?

Amanda: You know how I love surprises. (Have you seen your show’s ratings?) This LA branch is drowning in red like a steer in a slaughterhouse (Seriously, absolutely nobody is watching this show.) When I hired you to give this place a makeover i didn’t mean for you to smear it with lipstick and turn it into a five dollar hooker (See: Ashlee Simpson Wentz). This office is pathetic! (We’re talking original series season one pathetic when Billy learned about the realities of racism after a very special episode that had neighbor Rhonda giving the then cab driver a tour of the ‘real’ Los Angeles.)