With the recent release of NICK AND NORAH’S INFINITE PLAYLIST (which I finally got a chance to see) it seemed like audiences love/hate relationship with the young Mr. Cera had finally reached its apex. People are either sick of seeing him insistently play the same character over and over again, or can’t get enough of it. Regardless of where you fall on the Michael Cera emotional spectrum, there’s no denying that there are some valuable life lessons – a lot of them romance related – to be learned from his now well-honed on-screen persona. Those of you looking for that little bit of edge to get you through life relatively unscathed, behold the Tao of Michael Cera.

Speak Quietly and/or Mutter Under Your Breath
For years your parents probably told you to stop mumbling and learn to speak and annunciate properly. You probably countered that it made you mysterious, sexy and cool, because if nobody knows what you said, then they might very well just assume by default that it was actually something cool or sexy. Well, you were right. Speaking loudly and clearly is for losers. Jokes, bitter insults, sexual longings … all of these things are scientifically proven to be better when spoken quietly.

Don’t Try To Be Funny, Just Be Funny
The coolest funny people are the ones who don’t make a big deal about it. That’s why whenever you make a joke or sarcastic comment, say it as deadpan as possible. This also can easily be combined with under breath muttering or quiet talking for maximum effectiveness. If you need help on how to do this, watch some early Bill Murray movies.

Educate Yourself
People like somebody who knows their shit. Authority and knowledge are hot. So be sure to really educate yourself on what you like and what you want to like. Know your indie music, know how to be Mr. Manager, know how to sing classic rock songs on command (especially The Guess Who), know what a controlled slide is, know what “Afternoon Delight” is really about, and yes, even know your sex ed so when you’re in the middle of the act you’re not caught off guard by anything.

Speak In A High Voice Whenever Possible
It can be difficult sometimes to get the attention of those you are crushing on. Eye contact, lecherous winking, “accidental” touching, faking shared interests, gifts, booze, or nudity all don’t work nearly as well as one might think. Then what does every person react to instinctively? High pitched noises. (We’re kind of like dogs that way). So whenever talking to the party of interest, be sure to let your voice sky rocket into the tonal atmosphere every now and then. It’ll show them you mean business, or if you’re starting to bore them it’ll snap them back to attention.

(Don’t) Know How To Speak To Your Crush
If you’re a smooth operator, capable of quickly and efficiently charming the object of your affection with the power of words and looks, well then go screw yourself, you shouldn’t be reading this anyway. For the rest of us, take a note from Cera. If you want true love, then you have to stutter, sweat profusely, awkwardly lie, seem borderline handicapped or emotionally stunted, and occasionally punch their boy or girl parts by accident.

Keep Chivalry Alive
Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s just that most guys are dill holes. Don’t be a dill hole. Offer your jacket to a cold partner, hold the door open for them or offer them a ride. Berate your friends for talking naughtily about your object of affection. Turn down hot messy drunken sex if you’re sober and the other person is boozed up. Yes, it’ll be hard (sorry), and there may be vomit involved, but you’ll be doing the right thing.

Know What Makes A Good Date
Know what makes a sweet, quirky, indie-style date: a night in the city hunting down a mysterious band, sitting on some steps playing sappy emo music, shopping for bed sheets, or repeatedly prank calling your father together a la The Jerky Boys. Okay, maybe not that last one.

If You’re In Love, Pine From A Distance and Pine Constantly. Except…
Generally in the real world if you like someone, you go for it. How often has that actually worked out? Yeah, that’s what I thought. (For those of you for whom it did work out, don’t be such keeners). If you’re into someone, and even if you sense they are into you, just pine. Let your love be a slow burn. Nothing is quite as pure and wild as unrequited love, smoldering with longing stares and pent up feelings. If you keep that up, eventually your loved one will find their way to you and convert that longing into awkward kisses without having to do a thing. Which brings me to the next lesson…

Don’t Kiss Well the First Time
Usually it’s a bad thing when one’s kissing more closely resembles a fish’s puckered breathing or a baby trying to suck on a pacifier that’s too big for its mouth. Sometimes it’s good. Bungling the first kiss in this way will actually work in your favor by making you seem nervous and therefore adorable and cute. After all, nothing says you care more than caring so much you screw everything up. That being said, an awkward first kiss is encouraged, as long as you tackle that kissing learning curve afterwards with appropriate passion and willingness to learn. Even babies adapt to new pacifiers.

Above all else …
Be awkward, quirky, and somewhat dumb in everything you do, but do it in such a way that isn’t anything but adorably befuddled. It will make you seem sensitive, emotional and charming – in other words, perfect dating material. Finally…

Unless You’re French, Don’t Go After Your Cousin
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.

You guys know me, right? You know what I like on TV, right? So you all know that my favorite thing about my favorite show, Arrested Development, was the amazing and adorably spot-on hilarious George Michael Bluth, played by Michael Cera, right?

Imagine my sheer delight when I found out about the most amazing website I’ve visited in a long time (besides thetvaddict.com of course), where CBS has produced and is airing what they call a “microseries”, 10 episodes of a television show about two sad-sack roommates attempting to sell their idea for a television show.

That website? Clarkandmichael.com

The sad sack roommates? Michael Cera (or as the credits call him “Mikey Cera”) and his real life best friend Clark Duke.

The microseries, which started as Clark’s thesis project in college, deals with Michael and Clark living in an apartment, trying their hardest to get these scripts out to producers throughout LA. These two guys have their own headshots littering the walls of their apartment. Their quirky personalities and just all out “we are awesome, we will succeed attitude” makes me so happy and provides plenty of hilarious, awkward situations for the two of them to get stuck in.

Michael Cera, who just recently turned 19 years old, and Clark Duke, who also stars in the new ABC Family show “Greek”, are fabulous together. I’ve said over and over again that very few people can pull of the awkward reaction shots and awkward uncomfortable humor like Michael can. Together with Clark, and his darling southern accent, I’ve found myself unable to contain fits of laughter each and every time I watch the show.

Just a few things that I love about the three episodes I’ve seen so far and some reasons for you to tune in –

1. They have a 1970s era opening credit sequence that involves costume changes, tandem bikes, hiding behind trees, sequined dancing and so much more.

2. Random guest appearances, like a cameo by Tony Hale (Buster Bluth) as the head of the fake network ATC Family who doesn’t like the script.

3. Their agent doesn’t know who Michael is and who Clark is so he just gets them mixed up repeatedly. My favorite agent-related thing is when he calls their voicemail and says “Hello Clark and Michael…oh and hello Clark”. You have to hear it to understand it but it’s fabulous!

4. The boys can’t agree on anything, and in their arguments, they provide the best reaction shots I’ve seen.

5. Clark, a lighter, and his dentist’s phone number. You have to watch episode three to know what I’m talking about.

6. “Roger, you know it says no bathroom stuff”. Episode 2!

7. Back to the opening credits – “Mikey Cera” in his scarf….to fit his “pencil neck”.

8. Their landlord invites them to a pasta party. He has 15 varieties of pasta. They are required to bring the sauce. “Not tonight. Not tonight ever.”

9. Clark drunk.

10. Rubbing alcohol

I can’t do it justice guys, but trust me, if you’re like me, and you’re missing your Arrested Development type humor, this is the “microseries” for you.

Episode 4 goes live on the site on Wednesday morning. Be sure to catch up. There is also a personal blog that the boys are using to keep up to date with their fans. The personal profiles had me giggling for a full day. The photo galleries and photo journals never fail to crack a smile, or sometimes move into another fit of laughter. Again, that’s www.clarkandmichael.com. Bookmark it, love it as I do (beware there is some coarse language, so don’t listen too loud at work)!

What about you guys – have you caught on to the amazing-ness of Cera and Duke?
What are you into these days – feedback is welcome – mytakeontv@thetvaddict.com