THE SIMPSONS! SURVIVOR! Y&R! GIRLS! AMERICAN HORROR STORY! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

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Dirtiest Sounding Innocent Conversation: During an exchange on TOP CHEF, hostess Padma Lakshmi and guest judge Rob Gronkowski judged a sausage-cooking challenge. “I eat a lot,” he admitted, adding, “I need a big sausage.” With a wicked grin, Padma said with a smile, “Me, too!” Much blushing and tittering ensued.

Series We’re Pronouncing DOA Sight Unseen: Sorry, USA, but when you hired show-killer Christian Slater to head the cast of MR. ROBOT, you made it about as likely to succeed as my next diet.

Best Break-Up: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Katie finally told Ridge that the song suggests a man who likes it put a “ring” on it, not a red ribbon. Best of all, the pair’s engagement came to an end without screaming or accusations, but rather in a quiet series of scenes that still managed to pack a huge emotional punch.

Why The Elves Are Grumpy: “Santa doesn’t do payraises,” said THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Paul while dressed as the gift-giving chubbser.

Why I Feel Old This Week: THE SIMPSONS debuted 25 years ago this week… and I remember when they were just a segment on THE TRACY ULLMAN SHOW. Someone, shoot me. Please? [Read more...]

JANE THE VIRGIN! REVENGE! GENERAL HOSPITAL! ONCE UPON A TIME! THE NEWSROOM! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

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Coolest Breakthrough: At long last, someone has recognized that there are praise-worthy programs on The CW, with JANE THE VIRGIN scoring that network’s first Golden Globe nods.

Least Special “Special” Ever: Everyone at Discovery should be ashamed of their involvement with EATEN ALIVE… although I suspect that instead, they are gleefully planning a follow-up to what proved to be a ratings bonanza for the channel.

Lamest Resolution: I get that fairy tales are all about happy endings, but after weeks of the Ice Queen storyline, ONCE UPON A TIME basically wrapped things up with a Grinch-like “her heart grew three sizes that day and everything was awesome!”

Least Shocking Death: Given that portrayer Josh Bowman had made it pretty clear in various interviews how unhappy he was with his character’s trajectory, it wasn’t entirely surprising when REVENGE’s Daniel took a bullet for Emily.

Coolest Casting: Honestly, I’d have been disappointed if Ryan Murphy hadn’t landed HALLOWEEN star Jamie Lee Curtis for the upcoming SCREAM QUEENS!

Best Reaction: When THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Michael finally revealed to wife Lauren that he had cancer, the beauty laughed heartily. Why? She had suspected for weeks that he was cheating on her. Her laughter was as shocking as it was believable in the moment. [Read more...]

SCANDAL! HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER! OUAT! Y&R! GREY’S ANATOMY! ONCE UPON A TIME! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

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Lamest/Best Reveal: While unmasking Wes as Sam’s killer on HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER wasn’t particularly shocking, the fact that Annalise has known from the beginning sent our jaws dropping to the floor!
 
Saddest Scandal: Remember when the name Bill Cosby made you think of sweater collections and Jell-O?
 
Worst Procrastinator: THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Jack has put off telling girlfriend Kelly that he’s engaged to another woman. Given that the other woman once ran down a romantic rival, this seems like a situation he might wanna handle… pronto!  
 
Best Public Service Announcement: The Parents TV Council — aka the self-proclaimed guardians of morality — called a SONS OF ANARCHY scene “the most sexually explicit content [we have] ever documented on basic cable.” In response, horndogs everywhere said, “Thanks, I have to check that out! Um, can I get on your mailing list so I don’t miss out next time something like this airs?”
 
Biggest Transformation: After being lied to by everyone he loves, GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Michael dumped his girlfriend, changed his last name and developed a helluva mean streak. Want proof? “Not only are you a liar,” he told his newly-dumped ex, “but you’re an idiot, too!” Ouch.
 
Line That Really Needs To Be On A T-Shirt: Who wouldn’t buy one bearing the GREY’S ANATOMY quote, “Stop stealing my orgasms!”
 
Biggest Hypocrite: It pains us to say this, but Jon Stewart, after spending so much time trash-talking CNN, it’s a major sell-out that you’ve run to them twice in the past few weeks to pimp your movie.  [Read more...]

SCANDAL! SURVIVOR! GENERAL HOSPITAL! SUPERNATURAL! GREY’S ANATOMY! REVENGE! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

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Best Parting Line: “You think the world is so terrible with me in it?” SCANDAL’s Rowan asked daughter Olivia as the men hired to bring him in were gunned down feet away. “Wait ’til you see what it’s like without me.”

Funnest Outing: Watching SUPERNATURAL’s high school musical left us wondering why nobody has brought the TV show to Broadway. It’s gotta be better than 50 Shades: The Musical. And yes, that’s a real thing.

Least Necessary Revival: Okay, who out there was begging for another season of THE OSBOURNES? Whoever you are, the rest of us are really annoyed.

Grossest Chatter: Proving that sometimes, reality-TV can be a little too real, SURVIVOR spent far too much of this week’s episode discussing bodily functions.

Most In Need Of An After-Dinner Mint: TV’s CAKE BOSS Buddy Valastro was arrested by the NYPD on charges of driving while intoxicated. [Read more...]

GENERAL HOSPITAL! GREY’S ANATOMY! SVU! THE WALKING DEAD! REVENGE! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

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Most Prophetic Letter: The residents of UTOPIA were told that the social experiment was “about to change forever.” Sure enough, two days after the episode aired, Fox’s reality show was axed.

Cruelest Stunt: The Discovery Channel is planning to air a special in which a man is EATEN ALIVE by a snake. Given that a camera can easily see the inside of any creature in a much safer, more humane way, this is the sort of crap that any network — let alone one supposedly dedicated to education and science — should be ashamed of.

Twistiest Twist: GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Ava revealed that babynapper Nina’s mad mama, Madeline, had actually paid her to seduce Silas all those years ago.

Biggest Shock: Out of the blue, fans of THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL found out that Kim Matula — whose Hope has pretty much been at the center of the show for the past two years — is exiting the canvas and had already taped her final episode.

Most-Made Joke: Practically every outlet covering the election-night results referred to AMERICAN IDOL runner-up Clay Aiken’s failed campaign as him coming in second again. Including, as of now, us.

Least Shocking Shock, Part I: Did anyone watching GREY’S ANATOMY not figure out that Geena Davis’ Dr. Herman was dying before she made her dramatic pronouncement? Anyone? Bueller? [Read more...]

REVENGE! THE WALKING DEAD! HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER! AMERICAN HORROR STORY! THE MIDDLE! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

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Best Music Cue: Harry Nilsson’s “Everybody’s Talkin’” drifting across the dunes beautifully connected REVENGE’s newly-undead David with the daughter he now mistakenly believes deceased.

Least Shocking Secret: Did anybody not figure out that THE WALKING DEAD’s Gabriel had locked out his parishioners before he revealed what he’d done?

Joke That Made Me Feel Crazy Old: Watching THE MIDDLE’s Axl try to figure out how to use a rotary phone was as funny as it was real to a whole lotta kids.

Saddest Parting: After two decades of playing scheme queen Sami Brady, Alison Sweeney left DAYS OF OUR LIVES, although the show wisely left the door open for the beauty and her sometimes beastly alter ego to return down the line should she so desire.

Worst Wedding Date: Couples on both GENERAL HOSPITAL and THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS planned to tie the knot on Halloween, and both found themselves dealing with very nasty tricks that were not a treat for anyone but viewers.

Coolest Move: It was a trickless treat for viewers when ABC actually benched GREY’S ANATOMY for a night in order to show THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN. Let’s hear it for family shows in what was once considered the family hour! [Read more...]

ONCE UPON A TIME! GENERAL HOSPITAL! GREY’S ANATOMY! BREAKING BAD! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

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Biggest Irony: Even as Walt Disney World confirmed that the gigantic sorcerer’s hat at the center of Disney’s Hollywood Studios would be taken down in 2015, ONCE UPON A TIME made the hat (as well as the walking broomstick) from Fantasia central to their storyline.

Schemiest Team: As mother/daughter duo Nina and Madeline, GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Michelle Stafford and Donna Mills turned in stunning performances as their alter egos went from combatants to reluctant co-conspirators, kicking off a storyline that promises to be one heck of a wild ride.

Most Overdue Breakup: After what felt like 20 years of bickering, GREYS ANATOMY’s Callie and Arizona finally went their separate ways.

Best Role Reversal: The final moments of Sunday’s THE GOOD WIFE illustrated just how far the titular character has come by having Peter take a supportive role to Alicia, perfectly mirroring the opening episode in which she stood by her scandal-plagued hubby.

Best Backhanded Compliment: THE WALKING DEAD’s Gareth told Bob, “You taste much better than we thought you would,” while chowing down on his leg! [Read more...]

HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER, GENERAL HOSPITAL! AMERICAN HORROR STORY! THE GOOD WIFE! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

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Least Surprising Pick-Up: So apparently, we’re gonna pretend that HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER wasn’t basically assured a full-season from the get-go. Okay, then.

Another Reason To Love Shonda Rhimes: While chatting with The Hollywood Reporter, the queen of Thursday Night TV said she had a “no assholes” policy, adding that there “are no Heigls in this situation,” a reference to former GREYS ANATOMY diva Katherine Heigl.

Most Instantaneous Reaction: When at long last it was confirmed that TWIN PEAKS will be returning, the internet took to debating whether David Lynch and company would remind folks how great television is done… or prove that sometimes, train wrecks can be highly stylized.

The Closest Thing To Sports News This Column Is Likely To Cover: Katy Perry will perform at this year’s Super Bowl. Here’s hoping she performs fireworks, complete with bottle rockets shooting from her bra, so that Janet Jackson’s nipples will no longer be the most talked about cleavage in the event’s history.

Most Unexpectedly Hot Pairing: Who would have predicted that THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Caroline and Ridge would have killer chemistry? Then again, portrayers Thorsten Kaye and Linsey Godfrey have repeatedly proven themselves to have the kind of charisma that makes any scene sizzle.

Best Flashback: Linda Lavin looked so great during her guest spot on THE GOOD WIFE that we had to think the food served in Mel’s diner on ALICE was jam packed with preservatives! [Read more...]

SCANDAL! MASTERS OF SEX! ONCE UPON A TIME! Y&R! MISTRESSES! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

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Oddest Weather: SCANDAL featured folks hanging outside in t-shirts and — in Mellie’s case — bathrobes as the president prepared to give his State Of The Union address… which is held in the dead of winter.

Least Twisty Twist: While we’re talking SCANDAL, let’s just admit that absolutely every viewer tuning in knew that Cyrus’ sexy himbo hooker was on the payroll of Portia de Rossi’s Lizzie and her awesome hair.

Most Likely To Fail: Do the HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER students ever actually go to class? Because as far as I can tell, they’re always either doing their teacher’s work or attending her court cases!

Lamest Eviction: At long last, UTOPIA held its first who’ll-get-the-boot vote. But honestly? It’s hard to get worked up about unlikeable people tallying their votes on a chalkboard. With Fox already yanking one of the bi-weekly outings, look for the next eviction to be the show getting the axe. [Read more...]

THE GOOD WIFE! GOTHAM! SCANDAL! THE MINDY PROJECT! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

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Best Guest Star: THE MINDY PROJECT scored a homerun by casting Rhea Pearlman as Danny’s TV Guide loving, girlfriend hating hypercritical mom, Annette. Here’s hoping she swings by from time to time!

Best First Impression: Despite being on screen for less than a minute, Cory Michael Smith managed to perfectly capture Edward Nigma — aka The Riddler — in the pilot of GOTHAM.

Most Relatable Moment: SLEEPY HOLLOW’s Ichabod may be, like, 250 years old, but everyone who’s ever been the victim of an unwanted surprise party nodded when he declared, “Is there no end to this birthday madness?”

Least Consequential Death: While the two-hour finale of DALLAS’ third season featured great moments and numerous cliffhangers, the highly-touted “Which Ewing will die?” teaser wound up being kinda pointless. Does anybody really care that Christopher — who was barely even in the episode — bit the dust?

Best Passing Glance: SCANDAL delivered on just about everything fans could want… especially in that closing shot of Olivia and Fitz walking past one another, eyes straight ahead, fingers practically twitching with the desire to touch… never has a scene with so little physical contact caused so much swooning. [Read more...]