And the #1 Reason America Doesn’t Stand a Chance: An astounding 28.7 million of them tuned into the highly unfunny season premiere of TWO AND A HALF MEN. Reason to Have Hope for the Future of America: Despite months of insisting his new show wasn’t simply a rip-off of his previous gig, Simon Cowell’s much-heralded [...]

Most Welcome Return: THE VAMPIRE DIARIES, whose writers not only continue to amaze us with their seemingly never-ending array of methods in which to extract blood from an ever-expanding cast of beautiful people, but surprise us with jaw-dropping twists following some surprisingly unexpected vampire-werewolf-hookup-hawtness. Understatement Of The Week: Upon finding out in front of a [...]

Word Most In Need Of Defining: Okay, folks, listen up. Ashton Kutcher is not “naked” in the TWO AND A HALF MEN ads. Ellen DeGeneres is not “naked” in the ads touting her show featuring Ashton. If you write a headline promising us naked, we’d better see naughty bits! Most Over-priced Gift: TMZ reported that [...]

Most Soup-Ready: Every word out of the mouth of BACHELOR PAD’s Kasey seems ready to be spoofed, mocked and/or lampooned by Joel McHale of THE SOUP. “People don’t realize, like, the struggles, the inner struggles I go through on a daily basis,” he said this week. “But my brain adapts. It goes a thousand miles [...]

Least Liked Woman In America: Not only does every BIG BROTHER viewer hate that Julie Chen ruins eviction night on the reality fest, but the New York Post now reports that the Chenbot is ticking off her fellow THE TALK hosts.   The “Make It Stop!” Award Goes To… : Anyone and everyone — including [...]

The “Yeah, That’ll Happen” Award Goes To… : Anyone who thinks THE EVENT will get a wrap-up movie. Come on. And while we’re at it, no, Virginia, there ain’t gonna be a VERONICA MARS movie.   Biggest Wuss: Jimmy Whittemore, the guy who trashed David Letterman’s theater, reportedly drank $119 worth of booze before going [...]

Dumbest Move: BIG BROTHER’s Jordan had an opportunity to not only make the lackluster season more interesting but solidify her and Jeff’s position in the house by putting nasty nitwit Rachel and her knuckle-dragging beau, Brendon, on the block. Instead, Jordan wussed out by nominating Cassi and Shelly for eviction.   Saddest News Ever: A&E [...]

The “Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya Where The Good Lord Split Ya” Award Goes To… : Vinny, The Situation and any other JERSEY SHORE cast member who walks away — or threatens to — from the show. Dudes, if you think there aren’t about 5.3 million folks with equally low IQ’s willing to act like [...]

Most Beaten Horse: Did you miss COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN in it’s 8 p.m. timeslot on new home Current? Never fear… you can catch it again at Noon, 3 p.m., 6 p.m., 11 p.m., 2 a.m., 4 a.m. and 7 a.m. No, seriously.   Best Spin: In effort to stave off negative reviews from those [...]

This Week’s Showrunner Gold Star Goes To… : Jeff Eastin, whose highly-engaging third season premiere of WHITE COLLAR — complete with accessible storyline and ridiculously likeable ensemble — just cost us $46.98 on iTunes as we rushed to download seasons 1 and 2 in an effort to catch up with what we’ve been missing. Best [...]