Channel Surfing with C.T: GOSSIP GIRL, ONE TREE HILL, TOP MODEL & More!

Much like GOSSIP GIRL’s titular character, I’m back. (I’ll refrain from saying, “You know you love me” and signing off with XOXO, CT”… but it’ll be tough. Anyway, a million thanks to our pals at The CW for recognizing that Labor Day marks not only the last day of summer but, at least symbolicly, the first day of fall and launching their new season. What better way to kick things off then by watching Blair Waldorf play games with Chuck “Basstard” against gorgeous backgrounds. It wouldn’t be GG without very bad things happening at a very hip party. This time around, it was the White Party, where Dan’s hypocrisy left him wearing more cocktails than he consumed, Nate’s affair with a married women (how gorgeous did Madchen Amick look?) took a completely expected twist and Blair learned the true meaning of the words “Oh my Lord!” As guilty pleasures go, the season premiere was the equivalent of a Jackie Collins novel toted to the beach: By the time the tide’s gone out, you’ll have forgotten the details despite having enjoyed the ride while it lasted.

The faux flash-forward that kicked off the new season of ONE TREE HILL was the kind of thing that makes me realize just how much I underestimated this show in the past. Last year, I became a major fan, accepting that while the acting is sometimes laughably bad, there’s something undeniably addictive about this drama. How can I resist Brooke and her mom (the wonderfully bitchy Daphne Zuniga) trading zingers? Or hearing Skills tell Deb they should go public by saying to her son,, “Nate, look, I’m dating your mom. Sleeping with her. Doing all kinds of freaky stuff with her.” Heck, the show even made up for what I thought was one of last season’s bigger mistakes — the blink-and-you-missed-it resolution of the storyline involving Jamie’s nutty nanny — by bringing creepy Carrie back and making her Dan’s nasty nurse! The only thing not working for me? The lame Lucas/Peyton pairing. How incredibly predictable! Come on, wouldn’t it have been more interesting if Lucas had called Brooke? The chemistry between them — even in that brief scene that topped the episode — is far more incendiary than what passes for sparks where he and Peyton are concerned. But hey, they ain’t married yet, so there’s still hope!

How much do you wanna bet that when some DAILY SHOW staffer told Jon Stewart that McCain’s vice presidential choice had an married, knocked-up teenage daughter, the host thought he was being punked? And I’m not sure, but I’d be willing to bet that COUNTDOWN’s Keith Olbermann salivated at the news. I imagine that the folks over at FOX News immediately began working to spin the poor girl’s upcoming insta-marriage (just add shotgun!) as proof that “Republican family values” work. At this point, the Republicans should just name Larry Craig their Values Czar and be done with it.

Shark alert! If you want to see AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL chum the waters before leaping bravely over a hungry fish, tune in to the premiere of cycle 10 on Wednesday for what can only be described as a cheesetacular offering. And not in a good way. First, it appears Tyra and company think they’ve actually been on the air for 10 years, what with the hour kicking off with talk about how they’re ready to head into the next “decade”, completely ignoring the fact that while they have done 10 “cycles”, the first debuted in 2003. Things quickly get weird when the show takes the concept “fashion forward” to new lows, with Mr. Jay and Miss J emerging from an Area 51 like hangar wearing white wigs and mylar. I kid you not. (And can I just tell you that it ain’t a flattering look… somehow, the outfits give Mr. Jay moobs!) The wanna-be models then go into a silly “scanning” room to be photographed before Tyra finally emerges — in futuristic garb and metalic make-up — from a gigantic tube, leaving one poor, dumb creature to actually say she thought it was a Tyra doll. I think by now y’all know that I love me some reality television in general, and ANTM in particular, but I’m not gonna lie: This episode was hard to watch. Hopefully, by next week things will settle back in to the regular routine. You know, girls alternately screaming every time anyone enters the room and uttering reality cliches (“I’m not hear to make friends, I’m here to win!”) when not trying to throw one another under any vehicle in sight.

Who could have predicted when BIG BROTHER’s latest season started that Renny — who ticked everyone off back in week one — and Jerry would still be in the house? Or that Jerry, who I would have sworn was a dead man walking, would turn the house upside down by winning a Head of Household competition? I want Dan, who has proven to be the most interesting player since Doctor Will, to walk away this season’s winner, but between Jerry’s unexpected victory and the number of people in the jury house who have reason to hate Dan, it’s seeming increasingly unlikely.