Channel Surfing with C.T: AMERICAN IDOL, MELROSE PLACE, SNL & More!

At what point does a spoiler stop becoming a spoiler? I was talking to someone recently about NIP/TUCK and why I was disappointed in the big season three reveal concerning the identity of The Carver. The person I was chatting with suddenly got so upset, I could only assume I had been wildly gesticulating — you know, to better illustrate my point — and somehow severed one of their primary arteries. “I haven’t seen that yet! I just got season one from Netflix!” they said, as if I should somehow have been aware that they were drinking from a water cooler nobody had been chatting around in five years. Another friend of mine was taken to task for having “revealed” the identity of a major character who dies in the Harry Potter series. (I’m not being vague out of fear that I might spoil a surprise for you, gentle readers, but because, um, it’s been SO long since I read the book in question or saw the movie it spawned that I can’t remember!) Sure, it’s one thing if you taped, TiVo’s, DVR’d or are planning to watch something on-line that aired a few days ago. But after a week or two, doesn’t a spoiler become, well, literally yesterday’s news? Is the world supposed to speak of the adventures of P. Sawyer and B. Davis in hushed tones because I’m only now watching season two of ONE TREE HILL?

I’d like to get excited about the fact that ONE TREE HILL creator Mark Schwahn is in negotiations to head up the new incarnation of MELROSE PLACE… but let’s not forget that it wasn’t all that long ago that VERONICA MARS mastermind Rob Thomas was being talked about as the man who would update 90210. Wonder if that show would be better if he’d actually stuck around that zip code? In any case, I’m of two minds where the Schwahn/MP talk is concerned. On the one hand, TREE HILL is one of my favorite guilty pleasures, which is pretty much all I want out of a new versionof MELROSE PLACE. On the other hand, um, doesn’t the fact that TREE HILL is so great kind of negate the need for MELROSE? Especially since Schwahn would, like Thomas, only have him penning the initial script before handing the whole thing over to someone else. And by “someone else” we mean people far less talented. Like those writing 90210 now.

So AMERICAN IDOL is pulling the plug on IDOL GIVES BACK because the economy is in the toilet? Isn’t that rather like not feeding a bulimic because they’ll just vomit it up anyway? Oh, and don’t worry about those pesky rumors that the judges will be nicer this season. Executive producer Ken Warwick tells USA TODAY the comments of the judges (read: Simon) won’t be softened. “If they’re mean, they’re mean.” When the producer says he will “do his best to offset” the drop in ratings, why do I hear, “Simon will be meaner, we’ll feature more folks who can’t sing and don’t be surprised if we do a special tribute to Paula’s dead stalker!”

To the people getting their panties in a wad about SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE making fun of New York’s (blind) Governor Patterson: Lighten up! Then again, I was probably the only person laughing back in 1991, when GOOD & EVIL — a not-particularly funny sitcom from Susan Harris (of SOAP and GOLDEN GIRLS fame) starring Terri Garr and margaret Whitton — featured a blind character who broke, fell on or felt up every object he came into contact with.

I was a little disturbed by his week’s episode of THE OFFICE, in which the staff had an intervention for Meredith after she accidentally lit her hair on fire during the annual Christmas bash. Not because I thought it was over the top and uncomfortable… heck, that’s what THE OFFICE does on a weekly basis. But more importantly, it just wasn’t very funny. There were moments, but most didn’t involve the actual intervention. (Although Kevin pointing out how Meredith’s drinking had impacted him in a positive way was pretty fantastic.)