WHAT WE’RE WATCHING:
24 (9PM FOX, Global in Canada)
Okay, Mr. Bad Guy, it’s one thing to crash planes and threaten the people of the United States. But when you start trash-talkin’ the First Family, you’ve gone too far! Expect retribution to begin… sometime in the next 10 hours.
HEROES (9PM NBC, 10PM on Global in Canada)
Paintings predict a dire future, Sylar meets a guy with abilities he wants to use… wait, this is the storyline that was going to be different and exciting and make everything better again, right? Um, is it working?
THE BIG BANG THEORY (9:30PM CBS)
Christine Baranski swings by as Leonard’s mom. Past experience has taught us that maternal visits to any sitcom character usually wind up disasterously. Meanwhile, is it just us, or is CBS trying to kill this show by just running it whenever the heck they have a gap to fill?
NEW & NOTABLE:
GOSSIP GIRL (8PM CW)
Seeing as The CW is blowing off Obama’s talk, I bet they wish they had something new to offer folks as an alternative! Instead, we get a rerun of this year’s snowflake ball.
DESTROYED IN SECONDS (8PM Discovery)
This might as well be called “SHOULDA SEEN THAT COMING!” Tonight, a fireworks stand explodes, storm chasers wind up in the path of a tornado and race car drivers wreck when driving really, really fast on a rain-slickened track. Yup. Shoulda seen that coming.
THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER (8PM ABC Family)
Ben, Ben, Ben. Trust us when we say no conversation that includes a guy saying to a girl he “wants more space” ever ends well. Meanwhile, Anne and George start interviewing people who want to adopt Amy’s baby. Wonder if the process will include a talent portion? ‘Cause we wouldn’t want to put a child in the home of two people who can’t sing and dance!
ONE TREE HILL (9PM CW)
The best thing about this rerun is Jamie’s performance at his school’s talent show, ’cause that kid rocks nine ways to Sunday.
TWO AND A HALF MEN (9PM CBS)
If there’s anything more fun than watching a doomed-from-the-start relationship crumble, it’s getting to listen in as the couple in question goes to couple’s counseling! Tonight, Charlie and his lady take their place on the hot seat.
KYLE XY (9PM ABC Family)
Is it just me, or are there a lot of pregnant teenagers running around on ABC Family? Kyle and Nicole are involved in an auto accident with a — all together now — pregnant teen!
ONE WAY OUT (9PM Discovery)
Two words, my friends: Human. Catapult.
THE GIRLS OF HEDSOR HALL (9PM MTV)
Yet another groan-inspiring show that has absolutely nothing to do with music hits MTV. In this one, 12 rude and crude girls try and transform their lives. Yes, I’m sure it will be wildly heartwarming and not at all the kind of thing that will wind up on howrudeareyou.com’s list of the 10 Rudest Reality Shows Ever. (If you have suggestions for potential title-holders, by the way, leave them in the comment section!)
CSI: MIAMI (10PM CBS)
Horatio gets it into his silly head that a defense attorney is involved in some shady action. Of course, Horatio is never wrong, so we’re gonna believe him. Sean Combs guest stars as the baddie in question, so this could be fun!
MEDIUM (10PM NBC)
Okay, now this is just getting confusion. Allison is having visions of killings which are witnessed by… a ghost? In other news, it’s time for that tried-and-true plot that finds health class students having to care for an artificial baby.
GENERAL HOSPITAL (10PM SOAPnet)
It’s everything you expect from what this show has become: It wasn’t enough that there are biotoxins threatening everything, now explosions are rocking the hospital, guns are being drawn and — hey, this is GENERAL HOSPITAL after all! — a child is in jeopardy. Good times.