WHAT WE’RE WATCHING:
CASTLE (10PM ABC)
The death of a socialite leads to Beckett attending a charity ball as Castle’s date. Talk about finding a way to turn a frown upside down!
CHUCK (8PM ABC)
Scott Bakula returns as Chuck’s dad, who finds himself in need of rescue. As if that weren’t enough, Chevy Chase also puts in an appearance and Morgan becomes a Buy More outcast.
GOSSIP GIRL (8PM CW)
If Serena returns from Spain still moping about Dan, I will personally slap her. Hard. Meanwhile, Blair might just prove herself the self-sabotage queen when she makes a secret pact behind new beau Nate’s back. And expect mugging and eye-rolling galore when Dan winds up having to literally serve his rich peers.
NEW & NOTABLE:
THE BIG BANG THEORY (8PM CBS)
Yes, it’s a rerun, but it also offers valuable help in solving one of life’s biggest mysteries as Sheldon tries to figure out gift-giving etiquette.
DANCING WITH THE STARS (8PM ABC)
Celebs dance. Judges fawn. I nap.
ALL MY CHILDREN (8PM SOAPnet)
Kendall blew the whole “always, only you” thing out of the water by having grief sex with Ryan not so long ago. Tonight, Zach evens the score. Because nothing says “true love” like revenge sex.
24 (8PM FOX)
Jack proves he’s a capital-m Man by enduring the pain brought on by his exposure to the pathogen. But what we really want is answers about the Tony situation.
HEROES (9PM NBC, 10PM Global in Canada)
Sylar has an identity crisis, Matt deals with fatherhood and Nathan sets out to repair the damage he caused. Plus, it gives us an excuse to ask, “Did you see our photos from last night’s HEROES FOR AUTISM event?”
ONE TREE HILL (9PM CW)
Finally! Brooke’s mad mama, Victoria (played to bitchy perfection by MELROSE PLACE alum Daphne Zuniga) is back! That’ll make suffering through yet another crisis in Peyton’s pregnancy at least semi-endurable.
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (9:30PM CBS)
Either CBS thinks this show is a lot better than it actually is or they’re just not putting a whole lot of effort into keeping it alive. How do we figure? Because a new episode — in which Jeff tries to prove he’s still got it (with it being his youth) — is being plopped down smack-dab in the middle of a bunch of repeats.
SURVIVING SUBURBIA (9:32PM ABC, CityTV in Canada)
How do you breath new life into one of the easiest punch lines on earth? Take your standard-issue DMV line (yawn) and have someone try to circumvent it by riding a scooter to the head of it! Yes, please, ABC, give us more of this crap and take away my charming, adorable SAMANTHA WHO.
MEDIUM (10PM NBC)
In the first of a two-part episode, Alison’s stalker takes a que from Billy Ocean by gettin’ outta her dreams and into her car… or at least her life.
HARLEM HEIGHTS (10PM BET)
In back-to-back episodes — with the second being the season 1 finale — Brooke makes a decision about Christian, Landon tries getting his dad’s approval (yeah, good luck with that!) and it’s time for Briana’s big launch!
DAYS OF OUR LIVES (11PM SOAPnet)
We interrupt our regularly scheduled listings for a bulletin: Attention, all residents of all soap opera towns: Please avoid the docks at all costs. Nothing good ever happens on the docks, whether they be in Port Charles, Llanview or, as proven tonight, Salem. Only a week or two ago, Tony died as a result of a dock-side fight. Tonight, Melanie finds Brady badly beaten on the docks. (Okay, let’s be honest here: Who amongst us doesn’t wish it was Melanie who’d met the Grim Reaper on the docks as opposed to Tony?)