Today’s TV Addict Top 5: Most Hysterical (For All The Wrong Reasons) Quotes From Last Night’s THE BACHELORETTE

“I think Kasey closes his eyes, thinks of Ali and thinks of, like, doves flying out behind her, Cupid hitting her with an arrow, you know, like, hearts floating around her head, them in a meadow magically running toward each other with unicorns… I don’t see her as that kind of romanticized love. Not unicorn love.” — Chris L, who knows it’s about Showmance, not romance.

“How is this different than your other relationships?” — Ali, in all seriousness, while on a televised date in the closed-to-the-public-for-the-occasion Natural History Museum with one of 11 suitors.

“Guess what? I’m going to call him out on that. And it’s going to bite him where the sun don’t shine. Ohhh. This should be fun. This should be very, very fun.” — Justin, proving he’s not this season’s villain, just this season’s douchebag.

“Yesterday, I got a tattoo, because I want to show her that I’m being genuine and sincere.” — Kasey, who apparently needs to look the definition of those words up in the dictionary.

“Getting a tattoo doesn’t prove anything… except that you’re nuts!” — Frank, saying what we were all thinking.