Channel Surfing with CT: TRUE BLOOD, BIG BROTHER, AMERICAN IDOL & More!

Hell hath no fury like a vampire scorned. Just ask Russell Edgington, the bloodsucker who, after interrupting a TBBN telecast and declaring to the world “We will eat you, after we eat your children”, changed the game as it is played in the TRUE BLOOD universe. From the beginning, the show existed in an alternate universe in which vampirism is, if not accepted, then certainly acknowledged, with a group called the American Vampire League fighting for a Vampire Rights Amendment. But as Edgington put it in his anger-fueled, terrifying address, “mine is the true face of vampires! Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals.” On a show that is already having its best season to date, it was a chilling moment that hinted of a great war to come between the immortals and their prey. From the edge of our seats, we could only say, “Bring it!”

Speaking of Sunday-night vamps, how amazing was the sequence in which THE GATES? Dylan and Claire dealt with the aftermath of her being bitten by bad boy bloodsucker Christian? It was a fascinating take on one of the oldest of soap storylines, rape, with the oft-sexualized bite replacing sex as the offensive act. Claire’s husband was shocked and horrified that his wife had allowed another man to sully their union, while she was left to deal with questions of whether or not she’d brought the “attack” on by spending so much time with a man she knew wanted desperately to destroy her marriage and bring out her repressed vampiric tendencies. While watching the emotion-packed scenes unfold, it was easy to forget that these were vampires talking about an unwanted nibble and not a traditional couple dealing with the aftermath of a sexual violation. It kills me that this show, which took a while to find its footing, is being trampled by reruns of CSI: MIAMI and LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT. Given how poorly some of summer?s original, non-reality programming is doing, I don?t wanna hear anybody out there complaining when next year, June ushers in a slew of unscripted crap. You get what you ask for.

Speaking of unscripted crap, I can’t decide whether I love or loath this year’s BIG BROTHER. I thanked every God I don’t believe in when Rachel got the boot if only so I wouldn’t have to watch the most dysfunctional showmance in recent history continue to unfold. If Rachel and Brendon?s real-world loved ones have any sense whatsoever, they’ll prevent these two from hooking up outside the house. It’s one thing to be trapped in a house with those two, but to have them show up at every family event for the rest of your lives? “Rachel, could you pass the salt and the arsinic, please?” Now, of course, everything Brendon does is for his evicted girlfriend, which is kinda entertaining in a “Lord, that guy is a complete asshat” way. But between him and The Brigade (Matt, why on Earth are you still working with those buffoons?), this might well go down as the show’s most annoying season ever.

So Steven Tyler is the new AMERICAN IDOL judge, huh? Seems they went looking for someone to fulfill the “OMG, Paula is a mess” chair and, well, I suspect they found the perfect applicant! Frankly, all I can think of is the famous exchange from the movie “Tootsie” in which a director says, “I’d like to make her a little more attractive. How far back can you pull?” and the cameraman asks, “How do you feel about Cleveland?”

I’m not a Blackberry user, but whenever the commercials talking about the device’s messenger service comes out and they all start talking about “BBM’s”, I can’t think of anything but bowel movements. Big bowel movements. I’m guessing that’s not exactly what Blackberry’s marketing team hoped…