Worst Kept Secret: Hey, CBS, you know what the problem with live feeds are? People watching them reveal things you don’t want them to know! Thus, only two days before BIG BROTHER was to debut, this season’s “big twist” was revealed as folks watching them found out — and quickly told anyone with a Twitter feed — who the four returning mentors were.
Smartest Move: Since AMC and Dish satellite network have been unable to reach an agreement, subscribers to the service will soon be cut off from shows like BREAKING BAD. Which is why AMC will be offering said subscribers a chance to watch the show’s season premiere via streaming video. Brilliant. Your move, Dish!
Most Boring Recaps: Sure, Gawker scored a coup in landing Dan Rather’s weekly recapping of NEWSROOM… except for the fact that they’re about as fun to read as an obit.
Worst Mash-up: Eric McCormack and TNT’s PERCEPTION are the worst fit since Sarah Michelle Gellar in RINGER.
Catchiest Song: Wanna get “Call Me Maybe” outta your head? Give a listen to Cookie Monster’s version, “Share It Maybe!”
Sinking Ship, Meet Rats: Jennifer Lopez revealed it was time for her to “go and do other things” and Steven Tyler revealed that he, too, was quitting AMERICAN IDOL. Oh, and Randy Jackson, if anyone cares, also seems to be leaving. Which means we’ll now be subjected to months of endless speculation about who the new judges will be ala THE X-FACTOR. Goody.
Creepiest Order: After causing an uproar by making a female audience member the subject of a joke about rape, Daniel Tosh ordered the folks editing his new series, BRICKLEBERRY, to remove any and all rape references from the pilot… which sources told E! means major, major cuts. Leading us to ask… um, do we really need a show that revolves around rape jokes in the first place?
Biggest Train Wreck Since Charlie Sheen: Robert Blake’s interview with Piers Morgan — in which he said that finding an audience at 2-years-old was more significant than the murder of his wife — was bombastic, creepy and, in the end, flat-out sad.
Least Surprising Chart-Topper: Turns out that watching the towers crumble on September 11th was the most memorable thing to have aired on television… no matter how much we all wish it had never happened and we’d never seen it.
Happy Opposite Day!: Although Howard Stern told his listeners that AMERICA’S GOT TALENT would see a “slow build” in ratings. But to quote The Princess Bride’s Inigo Montoya, “I do not think [that] means what you think it means”… at least not based on the fact that this week’s results show hit a season low.
Parody Of The Week: The folks at The Onion launched their YouTube channel with the premiere of SEX HOUSE, a faux BIG BROTHER-type show that brilliantly shows just how fine the line between parody and reality can be. 
