Craziest Didn’t-See-That-Coming: Unlike most shows which have an unfortunate habit of stringing viewers along until the the end of a season to drop a bombshell of such magnitude, HOMELAND didn’t waste anytime by revealing [spoiler alert] to Saul in… wait for it… episode two!
Sudsiest Engagement: In a twist right off of THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS, a promo for THE HOUSTONS confirms that Bobbie Kristina is engaged to her adopted brother, Nick Gordon. ??Worst Timing: Eric Stoltz booked a gig on MADE IN JERSEY… which, surprising nobody, became the first new show of the fall season to be axed.
Best Case for a Renewal: Dismal ratings for The CW’s pricey Monday night combo of 90210 and GOSSIP GIRL barely outdrew the little-promoted-and-did-we-mention-far-more-affordable summer season that was THE L.A. COMPLEX!
Best Taunt: “Hit me,” said REVENGE’s Victoria to estranged hubby Conrad. “This is your one and only shot, so do it like a man, if that’s even possible.” Needless to say, he rose to the challenge.
Most Depressing News: DANCE MOMS — featuring obnoxious, borderline-abusive instructor Abby Lee Miller — was renewed for a 26-episode third season. That’s four more episodes than REVENGE had last season. Sigh.
Shameless Submission: Following Tuesday heartbreaking episode we’d like to take this opportunity to formerly submit a new word to the Urban Dictionary. To “Parenthood” something involves shooting a scene where absolutely zero dialogue is necessary to convey an array of character emotions.
Hubby Most Likely In The Doghouse: Nick Cannon said he didn’t put a whole lot of stock into the supposed feud between his wife, Mariah Carey, and her fellow AMERICAN IDOL judge Nicki Minaj. Yeah, us either.
Costliest Treat: Having spent $10 million on MOCKINGBIRD LANE — better known as a reboot of THE MUNSTERS — NBC announced plans to show the pilot on October 26… just in time for Halloween!?
This Week in Words We Never Thought We’d Say: Can the writers of THE GOOD WIFE please focus a little bit more on the legal procedural aspect of the series. We didn’t sign up for THE BAD WIFE WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO.
Best Exit Strategy: With THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL powerhouse Susan Flannery exiting, the show announced plans to do what modern soaps rarely do… actually have her character, Stephanie, die. Not “soap opera” die, but really die due to a return of the cancer she’d previously believed to have beaten.
Blogger Beat Down: The Atlantic‘s Richard Lawson suggested COMMUNITY should be “put out of its misery.” Hey, maybe they can give its timeslot to some real housewives! ?
Gamest Guest Star: In a nod to his former SHIELD character’s alias Cletus Van Damme, current JUSTIFIED star Walton Goggins guested on this week’s SONS OF ANARCHY as… pause for dramatic effect… a not the least bit shy transgendered escort. Paging Emmy Voters line one!
What You Can Get Us For Christmas: DirectTV’s new DVR can record up to 5 TV shows. That’ll almost cover our nightly needs.
Oddest Spokesperson: JERSEY SHORE’s Mike “The Situation” Sorentino is featured in a new ad for PETA in a pose suggesting that if you don’t spay or neuter your pet, he’ll simply break its neck.
Most Predictable Protest: The rapidly homophobic ladies comprising One Million Moms (who have a way-less-than-a-million 2,058 followers on Twitter) are up in arms about ABC Family’s THE FOSTERS — a drama centered on a lesbian couple — sight unseen.
Nothing To Sing About: The CW’s airing of DR. HORRIBLE brought the network just over 550,000 viewers. On the plus side, every one of them had an awesome night. ??
Sexiest Captain: Fresh from his GREYS ANATOMY deathbed, Eric Dane signed on the skipper TNT’s THE LAST SHIP.
Most In Need Of A Dictionary: After appearing at a rally for presidential candidate Mitt Romney, DIRTY JOBS host Mike Rowe said that his being there shouldn’t be considered an endorsement… then endorsed the republican by saying he’d vote for him.
Coldest Open: The only funny thing about SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’s ridiculously unfunny take on the recent Presidential debate is how amazing the show continues to make THE DAILY SHOW and the COLBERT REPORT in comparison. 
