Why You’re Feeling Undervalued: The cast of DUCK DYNASTY will receive $200,00 an episode — each — for the upcoming season.
Best Snacky Bit: When DAYS OF OUR LIVES’ ladies gathered for their book club meeting and wound up eating JJ’s drug-laced donuts, wacky chaos ensued.
Most Faux-Traumatized Teen: It seems somehow appropriate that MAD MEN’s Kiernan Shipka — aka Sally Draper — has been cast as Cathy in Lifetime’s version of FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC. Even scandal-monger Don Draper would probably be shocked by what happens to Cathy, who winds up sleeping with (and eventually falling for) her own brother!
Who We’re Drinking To This Weekend: Bravo’s Andy Cohen is refusing to co-host the Miss Universe pageant because it will be broadcast from Russia, home of controversial anti-gay laws. Mazel, Andy!
Coolest Song: GENERAL HOSPITAL baddie Dr. Obrecht took to the stage on karaoke night to croon the coolest, creepiest version of Peggy’s Lee’s “Is That All There Is?” we’ve ever heard. Too bad other characters talked through the whole performance!
Most Shocking Death: THE BACHELOR beauty Gia Allemand was found dead, apparently having committed suicide.
Easiest To Predict Consequences: Thanks to the ongoing battle between Time Warner and CBS, which has resulted in several major markets going without the network’s programming, ratings for UNDER THE DOME took a hit. Then again, maybe it was just viewers ticked to find out the “event series” had been given a second season.
Why We’ll Soon Have More Room On Our DVR: Sandra Oh’s Christine Yang is exiting GREY’S ANATOMY at the end of the upcoming season. And while the show must go on, it’ll probably do so without us.
Most Cost Effective Move: When THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL sent several cast members to the Monte Carlo Television Festival, they also sent a camera crew. As a result, this week saw illicit lovers Brooke and Bill passionately reunite on location as opposed to on a studio set!
Least Realistic Birth: THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS’ Chelsea had her baby after about 3 minutes of labor. Better still, the baby was born clean as if it had just taken a bath (a blessing seeing as mommy was wearing a white wedding gown)… oh, and apparently without an umbilical chord!
Best Off-Screen Drama: THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY’s Theresa and Joe Giudice, appearing in court on numerous charges, pled not guilty. We’re fairly certain that doesn’t mean what they think it does.?
Coolest App: Google Maps now allows you to explore the inside of a Tardis. And if you don’t know what that is, we can’t hang out any more. Seriously.
Fans Least Likely To Be Left Hanging: Although THE BORGIAS did not get a chance to wrap up its storylines on air, an E-book based on creator Neil Jordan’s original idea for a movie tying up loose ends, will be released.
Contestant Most In Need Of Slapping: PROJECT RUNWAY’s Ken Laurence this week took his divaesque behavior to such an extreme that he advised a fellow contestant to not speak to or even look at him.
Most Likely To Write A Depressing Song: AMERICAN IDOL season one runner-up Justin Guarini says that things are so bad, he sometimes skips meals to feed his kids. Apparently, we’re the only people who ran out and bought From Justin To Kelly… and at full price, too! 
