Hey, Bones fans, it’s been a long time! Instead of some corpse being discovered, this week we begin with B and B at home, with Booth having to serve imaginary cake to Christine’s imaginary friend, Buddy. Booth is reminded, via phone alarm, that it’s Sweets’ birthday. Here are your Bones Top Five Moments!
Despite running around with a chainsaw screaming like a madman and covered in blood, Alex, aka “Leatherface,” is not a murderer. He was innocently cutting down a dead tree when he got a real lesson in death, via the dead body inside. That tree is where lovers go to carve their initials, so maybe some lovesick fool thought the ultimate way to show their love was to shove his woman into a tree. Sure.
Fuentes is the Squintern this week, and Brennan has saddled him with removing shards of skull from the chainsaw. Hey, Christine can put together a hundred-piece puzzle in an hour, so Fuentes should have no problem with…nope. I don’t get the correlation, either.
The corpse has a name, Justine, and she’s really pretty. Also, she’s been gone a month, but pastor daddy only reported her missing two weeks ago. That’s because they were estranged. There’d been an accident, she was driving, and he’s the one who wound up in the hospital. Six weeks previous Justine had gone to church and asked for forgiveness. That’s the last he saw of her. Here’s the big news: she was a psychic. That can’t sit too well with pastor daddy.
Back at her fancy apartment, Justine’s landlord swears by her skills. Also, cracked laptop screen with blood on it. No robbery. The blood is verified as Justine’s.
One of her clients is Alana Jackson, who was the giver of the sequential money found in Justine’s apartment. Long story short, after Justine called the spirit guides to watch over her hubby in Afghanistan, they became lovers, but Justine broke it off. Even so, when Justine asked for money, she gave it. Then she mentions how unhappy daddy would be about the two of them. Especially since she, and Justine’s other female clients, went to daddy’s church. So, it wasn’t so much forgiveness Justine was seeking as business.
Fuentes thinks maybe Justine was killed with a cane, but daddy is all “Man of GOD!” and besides, Justine came out to him when she was sixteen. Aubrey, who minored in religion, tries to slip him up with knowing his Bible verses, but daddy pastor puts the pipsqueak in his place. He doesn’t want to give up the cane, a gift from Justine, but you know, warrant.
She shows up at Justine’s apartment and immediately senses Justine’s landlord has been laying flooring, but that’s the knee pads and the pine smell. I’m sure this won’t be important later. And no matter how many times Booth tries to get her to leave, Avalon keeps handing him her purse and walking around. She manages to find the flyer for another psychic she considers a charlatan, Anthony Taylor, who Justine worked for. Landlord confirms there was fighting and threatening. Then Avalon also zings B and B by asking if it’s anyone’s birthday.
It’s Aubrey’s job to suss out if Anthony is a charlatan, and Avalon needs to give him some tips. First she dazzles him with knowing his mom left. But Aubrey didn’t need the lesson. Anthony is the smarmiest smarm to ever smarm. He gets all of the facts wrong, including that the victim is a guy and badmouths Justine as a fraud. She had a restraining order against him. She stole his clients. She’d dig up a bunch of dirt on the clients, but he would NEVER!
Also, Angela gets Hodgins to believe in psychics. Goodness, I thought of anyone, he’d be the most open-minded.
It wouldn’t be a Bones episode if a squintern wasn’t trying to hide something. But it’s just a PSA.
After Fuentes receives a box of prescription drugs he stupidly had sent to the Jeffersonian, he tells Cam they’re donated by Cubans living in the U.S. and admits he wants to smuggle them to Cuba. Cam tries to argue about the law, but he just updates her on the case and quits, because he knows Cam will fire him.
Brennan is like, “Yeah, yeah, totally would have done the same thing. Get him back in here.” Cam doesn’t, but Fuentes comes back on his own, because he never told Brennan of his findings, and I guess he wasn’t serious enough to turn in his badge. Turns out Brennan smuggled his drugs out for him through Booth’s friend at the CIA. Since there’s no more evidence, there’s no crime, and loophole, and Fuentes keeps his job. Thanks for the PSA!
Hodgins reveals that there’s trace of…wait for it…adhesive that’s used to install new flooring. Landlady heard Justine saying she loved someone more than she’d ever loved anyone, and since she was one of Justine’s harem, she went into Justine’s apartment, fought with her, and accidentally threw a mallet at her head. Happens all of the time. But it didn’t kill her. Justine wailed on landlady with peace crystals, which is kinda funny.
So, two days later Justine goes to see Alana to break it off then wanted to hug it out, but Alana wasn’t having any of that and pushed her, which led to her hitting her head on Alana’s kid’s bike, which killed her. Alana would have been okay if she hadn’t put Justine in the tree where they carved their initials. That’s kind of a crime. But landlady gets the manslaughter charge, while Caroline (where are ya, girl? I miss ya) will seek probation for poor Alana, who actually did think she was expressing her love by putting Justine into the tree.
Poor guy didn’t even make it to thirty. Brennan finds it hard to concentrate. Bones buys Sweets donuts anyway, and bottomless pit Aubrey convinces him they should partake.
Avalon realizes she’s not there for the case but for Sweets. Also, she doesn’t know about thumb drives? Does she live under a rock? So there’s one in his car, and she needs to retrieve it before Daisy sells it.
Sweets had a tradition where he would give presents out on his birthday. In this case, the thumb drive contained a book about B and B, only it’s not about their professional partnership and more about the love one. Angela drops by with Avalon to drop it off, just as Christine talks about how Buddy wants Booth to read a love story. Avalon is nice enough not to reveal her theory, and everyone has a piece of imaginary cake.