Welcome back, Bones fans! When last we left our lovable bunch, half the place was walking out the door. Hodgins and Angela decided to stay, while Booth and Brennan gave like five minutes’ notice before leaving, because this is TV and not real life. Here are your BONES Top Five Moments!
I’m sure the show will center around B&B changing diapers and talking about how awesome their life is now. Let’s see how long that lasts!
It seems Brennan’s bun in the oven is now an actual baby boy. Booth is playing with said baby and is getting a lesson on how they differ from girl babies, when he nearly gets squirted in the eye. Always hold a diaper over there, and this won’t happen again.
He misidentifies a plow as a battleaxe, and Christine corrects him in a snotty way. Oh, she’s going to do well in school.
Because Brennan no longer has that pesky work to go to, she finished two books in six months. Man, I wish I had that kind of mojo. I need her muse.
As Booth leaves, he gets a wistful look in his eye when he sees how happy everyone looks to be staying home to frolic and play.
Cam has been trying to replace Brennan for these past six months, but surprise, surprise, Brennan shoots down every applicant. There must be a drop-off, because Hodgins can now just hang out in Angela’s office.
Anyway, Hodgins and Angela both agree to Arastoo replacing Brennan, due to him graduating with highest honors, etc. Also, he’s been filling in for Brennan. Cam is worried about her ability to be objective, what with dating him and all, but Hodgins and Angela assure her it’s totally okay to nominate her bf for the position.
Yes, the show must go on. A van got blowed up real good. Aubrey’s there talking about how well he delegates to “his people.” There’s a gun fused to crispy corpse’s leg, and a titanium toe insert for a high-end tactical boot lies nearby. When Angela runs the serial number of the gun, she finds out it’s…BOOTH’S! DUN DUN DUN! I’m sure he’s dead. Season’s over, folks! Okay, not really. Hmmm…methinks perhaps Booth isn’t really just an FBI instructor, and that look he gave his family before he left was fraught with significance. Just a hunch.
When Cam arrives to tell her, Brennan tries Booths phone but can’t reach him. She’s not alarmed, since he just left the house that morning, even though it’s black as pitch now. Brennan uses the word Impossible in the same way Vizzini used Inconceivable and insists Booth doesn’t need his gun in his new job. Does anybody want to guess what happens when she goes to check on the gun? Oh, and insult to injury, instead of his gun in the case, it’s Booth’s wedding ring.
If you answered eleven minutes as to how long it would take for Brennan to come back to work and start yelling at Arastoo about how stupid he is, then you win the prize. The crispy corpse also has all of Booth’s remodeled fractures. After Arastoo dares to say the words “quite certain” and “INDICATIONS!” Brennan fully flips out and insists on examining the body by herself. Cam gives the okay, because of course. Brennan insists to Angela that they’ve left all of this behind, and no way it’s Booth. I guess this was the only way to get him back to the lab. She looks at the Bones and has flashbacks.
Aubrey gathers “his people” with Caroline by his side. One entire team is in charge of tracking Booth’s movements, while another will be going through his case work, which is where Caroline comes in. She assumes the problem must have been massive if he didn’t come to her. And of course Aubrey puts himself in the same category. I guess being in Booth’s office has given his ego an extra boost
After Angela creates her computer-generated Booth and declares him crispy corpse, Brennan comes in to exclaim it’s not. Arastoo interrupts Brennnan, so she could put him down again. Anyway, blah blah blah, one of the bullets that went through Booth in the firefight a year and a half ago took away a portion of his scapula, and crispy corpse’s is intact. Brennan immediately slams Cam about how she hopes the Jeffersonian hasn’t been running so shabbily after she DESERTED THEM, and Arastoo takes full responsibility. Brennan is sticking around to make sure everything is done right, even though she went skipping out of there six months ago without giving a crap.
Aubrey discovers Booth accessed the armory at Quantico and find Booth’s car at long-term parking at Reagan, but he never got on a plane. Agent Miller, aka Kim Raver, comes walking in, and Caroline does not look like she is a fan. If Carloline doesn’t like her, neither do I. There’s a reason. She’s from Internal Investigations, and when she says “collaboration” she means, “We’re taking over.” The word suspect is thrown around, and Aubrey nearly tears her throat out.
Miller questions Brennan and tries to make her talk about emotions, and that goes as well as expected. Caroline warns Brennan that if she wants to get her hands on those crispy bones, she’d better stand down.
Angela and Aubrey figure out it’s the calls Booth didn;t answer that are important. With Aubreys crack boy scout decoding skills, he figures out someone sent him the message, “Go.” Well, that was helpful.
Arastoo shows Hodgins the ring he wants to give Cam, but with him being so sucky at his job and all, how can he give it to her? Hodgins pep talks him. Arastoo? Unconvinced. But wait! He finds cause of death! Brennan is all, “Excellent observation” and Arastoo looks like when you’re dealing with an abuser, and you want to stay in their good graces.
And…if you’d been thinking…”Huh, similar bone structure…both beaten by daddy…both in the military…Booth’s Brother, Jared!” you win another prize. Spoiler alert: nobody seems to care or shed a tear for him.
While Brennan is trapped in a car with Agent Miller on their way to see Padma, Jared’s wife (who Miller helpfully explains used to be a prostitute), Miller chooses to bait Brennan by talking about how Booth is also an outlier like his brother, with all of his authority issues and gambling addiction. But Booth admitted he had a problem, while Jared did not, and Miller takes the totally logical leap that a bit of sibling rivalry would result in Booth killing his brother, even though it would be the other way around, right? Whatever, Agent Miller.
Through the purchase of burner phones, Angela is able to figure out it wasn’t just Jared, but a five-man team.
Padma looks real happy to see them and not at all hysterical that Jared is dead. She threw him out a few months ago, and since then he’s been buying her hugely expensive gifts. She’s on her high horse, but she didn’t give back the high-end TV or expensive watch. Booth didn’t give him the money, due to Brennan insisting he cut off his brother, which Padma is also pissed off about. She shows them a picture of a group of…FOUR men, including Jared…hmmm…One of them is Kevin O’Donnell, who’s now a school teacher. Padma pointedly tells Brennan he was like a brother to Jared. Miller and Aubrey go to see O’Donnell, and for once Aubrey isn’t the one who pisses off the interviewee. Miller manages to do it immediately, and he kicks them out. Did they not train her to deal with people?
We finally see Booth, and he’s not having a good time. He’s got a big hole in his stomach that he’s bleeding from, which on the upside will be another identifier, should something like this happen again. He’s lying there and bleeding, not trying to get help.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Miller is further ingratiating herself with Caroline and Aubrey. She found out Booth opened up a bank account in which funds were going directly to Jared. She now uses the word “accessory.”
Hodgins and Angela call on the batphone. Through the strange glass and a seed found at the scene, they figure out Jared fell out a window at Victor Masbourian’s house. He’s a drug dealer who’s also into racketeering and human trafficking. Is Booth being held there? Let’s find out! Okay, it’s no. A lot of dead bodies, though, including Masbourian. Miller, in her role to just blame Booth for every crime ever committed without an investigation, is convinced Booth shot Masbourian, even though he’s a bad guy, and Booth might have shot him for a good reason. It does not enter her mind. She’s so good at her job!
Masbourian had a vintage safe that tripped a silent alarm that brought Masbourian. So, robbery gone wrong, and again, instead of thinking Booth, the FBI agent, is one of the good guys, Miller assumes Booth is one of the guys behind it, and he’s a murderer But Caroline, in her awesomeness, figures out Miller’s partner has also vanished.
Angela figures out the robbers were a five-man crew. Also, Booth was there and got hit, but there’s just a puddle of blood where he’d been.
It should surprise nobody that Booth is undercover. He tends to his own bullet wound, because that’s what bad-asses do. Then he comes out to two guys where they’re clearly hiding out in a basement. O’Donnell enters and won’t okay Booth going to a doctor. When he asks Booth if he’s still in, Booth does the worst acting job possible when he says, “Yeah, I’m still with you. Till the end, right?” DUN DUN DUN!
For some reason, Arastoo leaves the engagement ring in the open zipper compartment of his case. Cam finds it and immediately backs away from it as if it’s going to explode. Arastoo backpedals furiously about how it’s not the right time. She agrees. Cam. Dude. The man has risked his life for you. Marry him. Awkward moment as Hodgins walks in to him showing the ring to cam and assuming he proposed.
TO BE CONTINUED…
So, that’s it! By next week, it seems Booth’s cohorts have seen through his disguise and come after him, while Brennan puts on her worried face. Will Arastoo propose? Will they find Booth before he bleeds out? Stay tuned!